Heather recently broke up with Jon, and as she heals her own injuries and tries to move on, she also wants to know he's okay.
He posts a ton of photos on Insta (unusual for him) that show how fabulous his life is, and it makes her happy, above all.
His friends tell you that he is just pretending to be on top of her to make her jealous or get her back. Heather doesn't know what to believe.
Can you relate?
Why is he pretending to be on top of you?
First, why would your ex pretend he's above you if he's not? There could be several reasons.
He might feel vulnerable after the breakup and want to make sure you know he's okay. It could be an ego thing.
Or… he might want you to come back. He might want to show you that he's evolved and is doing well for you to want him. Maybe now he's the man of your dreams… or he wants you to believe him.
Signs your ex is pretending to be on top of you
1. He posts fabulous photos more frequently on social networks
Yes, it's such a youthful movement, but so many people have done it. Maybe even you! Because we take to social media to see what people are doing - and how they are doing - it's all too easy to script what seems like a happy life.
In his mind, he's probably doing it to make you jealous. Maybe he has more photos with beautiful women than he would normally post (you didn't even know he even knew beautiful women!). Maybe he has pictures of him on a trip that you talked about together.
And hey, there's something going for him too: a research study has shown that simulating happiness on Facebook could make people feel happier. So ... be happy for your false happiness ... I guess?
2. It tells you it is unnecessarily moved
You meet your ex at the store and he quickly tells you he's dating someone new. Not that you asked.
This is one of the classic signs that your ex is claiming to be on top of you. What value is there in telling you that he moved on other than to hurt you or make you jealous?
3. It appears where you are ... with a date
He knew you would be at your friend's party, and he came over anyway… with a date. Tacky, I know.
Worse yet, he makes a point of kissing her and having his hands all over her. Again, not the most mature movement, and one more suitable for high schoolers, but still. He's trying to make you jealous. Ignore him.
4. He tells mutual friends that what he knows will pay off
You always share a few friends and feel like he's deliberately telling them things to tell you ...
… Like how happy and busy he is…
... How he dates a "hot" woman ...
… How he hardly ever breaks down and cries about you. 🙂
Know that he communicates through these friends. He feels the need to tell you how well he is.
5. He says he's ready to be friends ... but wants to hook up
Soon after you break up, this guy reaches out and says he'd like to be friends. You're cool with that… but one late night, he texted to see if you wanna come.
You know friends don't hang out at 11 p.m.!
He might even suggest that you become friends with benefits. But I would advise against it: for anyone you've had an emotional attachment with, it will be difficult to keep things casual.
6. He has spies
"Hey. I heard you were at the Ska Bar on Friday with a guy. I thought you hated this place.
You start to get weird messages from your ex about things they shouldn't know, like where you are and who you are with. Then you remember seeing a friend of his at the bar you were at last weekend.
Obviously he has spies reporting what they see. This can be hard to avoid if you don't know where or who they are, but don't tell a mutual friend what you don't want to tell them.
7. He tries to be whatever you wanted
Maybe you broke up with this guy because he wanted to be with you all the time and didn't have a life of his own. Now he brags about his busy life, how many new friends he has and how well he is in therapy for his problems.
In short, he's trying to be your prince charming.
A little too late, I'm afraid. Realize that it is extremely difficult for people to change, especially if they are doing it just to win you back. Real change comes from within, and he must want to make these changes to himself, not you.
8. He text you at odd times and unnecessarily
You might be on a solid footing with your ex, which means you check in every once in a while, but if they text you at weird times (like the middle of the night or first thing in the morning. morning) and unnecessarily, maybe it's because he's thinking about you.
Or maybe he's texting on a Friday night to see if you respond. If you don't, he'll fear you're on a date.
He tries to keep an eye on how you're doing after the breakup because he's not doing very well.
9. He responds quickly if you send him an SMS
When you were together it took this man hours to reply to a text from you, but now if you text him he replies in seconds. He's right there, ready to give you whatever you want.
How to handle it
So what do you do when your ex pretends to be on top of you, but you highly doubt it's the truth?
It depends on what you want. But I'm going to assume you know he's not the right man for you with the following tips.
Make sure you don't get back together
He clearly hopes you will come back to him. You might not want to hurt his feelings by cutting him out of your life altogether, but realize that sometimes texting him or being nice to him (like you would any human), he'll be. hang on to that hope.
You may need to follow my No contact rule and tell him that you don't want to text, see or talk to him for a month. This will give her time to realize it's over and move on. You will also have time to heal your heart.
Block it on social networks
If his posts annoy you, or if you're worried that he will crawl on your social media posts, block him. There's no reason the two of you should stay connected on social media after the breakup.
Do not respond to his texts
Most women don't realize that they have the power over how a relationship unfolds after breaking up. If he sends you an SMS, you are under no obligation to reply. Do not do it.
Don't worry about hurting her feelings. It might take a little love to get him to let go. And if his texts are obsessive, block him.
Move on in your life
The best thing you can do is move on. Stop worrying about a man who doesn't deserve you, even though he's in pain right now. He will be fine, and so will you, but you have to take that first step to get on with your life.
Breakups aren't pleasant, but for some, they can drag on for months on end, stretch your pain, and make it hard to make room for that love you totally deserve.
Keep an eye out for these signs that your ex is claiming to be on top of you, and set some tough limits. You have to take care of your own needs, and that doesn't mean making sure he doesn't have hurt feelings.
Leave a comment below: How did your ex claim to be above you? How did you handle the situation?
Plus, if you'd like to join me for a brand new webinar to find out "why men flake, avoid engagement, and ghosts constantly until they meet a woman who follows these 7 easy steps" then register here (it's 100% free).
Are you single and looking for love ? Are you finding it to meet the right person ? When you’re having trouble finding a love connection, it’s all too easy to become discouraged or buy into the destructive myths out there about dating and relationships.
Life as a single person offers many rewards, such as being free to pursue your own hobbies and interests, learning how to enjoy your own company, and appreciating the quiet instants of retraite. However, if you’re ready to share your life with someone and want to build a lasting, worthwhile relationship, life as a single person can also seem frustrating.
For many of us, our emotional baggage can make finding the right romantic partner a difficult journey. Perhaps you grew up in a household where there was no role model of a solid, saine relationship and you doubt that such a thing even exists. Or maybe your dating history consists only of brief flings and you don’t know how to make a relationship last. You could be attracted to the wrong type of person or keep making the same bad choices over and over, due to an unresolved provenant from your past. Or maybe you’re not putting yourself in the best environments to meet the right person, or that when you do, you don’t feel confident enough.
Whatever the case may be, you can overcome your obstacles. Even if you’ve been burned repeatedly or have a poor track record when it comes to dating, these tips can help put you on the path to finding a healthy, loving relationship that lasts.
The first step to finding love is to reassess some of the misconceptions about dating and relationships that may be preventing you from finding lasting love.
While there are health benefits that come with being in a solid relationship, many people can be just as happy and fulfilled without being part of a couple. Despite the stigma in some social circles that accompanies being solo, it’s important not to enter a relationship just to “fit in. ” Being alone and being lonely are not the same thing. And nothing is as unhealthy and dispiriting as being in a bad relationship.
This is an important myth to dispel, especially if you have a history of making inappropriate choices. Instant sexual attraction and lasting love do not necessarily go hand-in-hand. Emotions can change and deepen over time, and friends sometimes become lovers—if you give those relationships a chance to develop.
Women and men feel similar things but sometimes express their feelings differently, often according to society’s conventions. But both men and women experience the same core emotions such as sadness, anger, fear, and joy.
Love is rarely static, but that doesn’t mean love or physical attraction is doomed to fade over time. As we age, both men and women have fewer sexual hormones, but emotion often influences passion more than hormones, and sexual volonté can become stronger over time
When we start looking for a long-term partner or enter into a romantic relationship, many of us do so with a predetermined set of ( often unrealistic ) expectations—such as how the person should look and behave, how the relationship should progress, and the roles each partner should fulfill. These expectations may be based on your family history, influence of your peer group, your past experiences, or even ideals portrayed in movies and TV shows. Retaining many of these unrealistic expectations can make any potential partner seem inadequate and any new relationship feel disappointing.
Needs are different than wants in that needs are those qualities that matter to you most, such as values, ambitions, or goals in life. These are probably not the things you can find out about a person by eyeing them on the street, reading their profile on a dating site, or sharing a quick petit cocktail at a bar before last call.
Don’t make your search for a relationship the center of your life. Concentrate on activities you enjoy, your career, health, and relationships with family and friends. When you focus on keeping yourself happy, it will keep your life balanced and make you a more interesting person when you do meet someone special.
Remember that first imprimés aren’t always reliable, especially when it comes to Internet dating. It always takes time to really get to know a person and you have to experience being with someone in a variety of situations. For example, how well does this person hold up under pressure when things don’t go well or when they’re tired, frustrated, or hungry ?
Be honest about your own flaws and shortcomings. Everyone has flaws, and for a relationship to last, you want someone to love you for the person you are, not the person you’d like to be, or the person they think you should be. Besides, what you consider a flaw may actually be something another person finds quirky and appealing. By shedding all pretense, you’ll encourage the other person to do the same, which can lead to an honest, more fulfilling relationship.
Build a genuine connectionThe dating game can be nerve wracking. It’s only natural to worry about how you’ll come across and whether or not your date will like you. But no matter how shy or socially awkward you feel, you can overcome your nerves and self-consciousness and forge a great connection.
Focus outward, not inward. tera la bataille first-date nerves, focus your attention on what your date is saying and doing and what’s going on around you, rather than on your internal thoughts. Staying fully present in the moment will help take your mind off worries and insecurities.
Be curious. When you’re truly curious about someone else’s thoughts, feelings, experiences, stories, and opinions, it shows—and they’ll like you for it. You’ll come across as far more attractive and interesting than if you spend your time trying to promote yourself to your date. And if you aren’t genuinely interested in your date, there’s little point in pursuing the relationship further.
Be genuine. Showing interest in others can’t be faked. If you’re just pretending to listen or care, your date will pick up on it. No one likes to be manipulated or placated. Rather than helping you connect and make a good figure, your efforts will most likely backfire. If you aren’t genuinely interested in your date, there is little point in pursuing the relationship further.
Pay attention. Make an effort to truly listen to the other person. By paying close attention to what they say, do, and how they interact, you’ll quickly get to know them. Little things go a long way, such as remembering someone’s preferences, the stories they’ve told you, and what’s going on in their life.
Put your smartphone away. You can’t truly pay attention or forge a genuine connection when you’re multitasking. Nonverbal communication—subtle gestures, locutions, and other visual cues—tell us a lot about another person, but they’re easy to miss unless you’re tuned in.
Online dating, singles events, and matchmaking services like speed dating are enjoyable for some people, but for others they can feel more like high-pressure travail interviews. And whatever dating experts might tell you, there is a big difference between finding the right career and finding lasting love.