How to Get Your Partner On Board in 4 Simple Steps
Is your partner supporting you of your parenting role ... Or are you constantly fighting on how to manage your child's behaviors? I'm going to show you a 4 step framework you can use...

Is your partner supporting you of your parenting role ...

Or are you constantly fighting on how to manage your child's behaviors?

I'm going to show you a 4 step framework you can use to help your partner get on board… and I know it works because it's what I've used in my own family.

A few years ago, life in the Abraham house was not pretty.

Mine dear Lemonpickle was not always on board when it came to looking after the children and their behaviors (especially our elder sk).

It seemed it all turned into an argument and life was pretty miserable.

The situation got so bad that he avoided the children like the plague… and I became their “safe place” (translation: Dayna couldn't leave home without World War III).

Everything was falling apart… her relationship with the children and our relationship with each other.

There were no connection points, and it was like having an extra child in the house (note to myself: it's okay to think that… But don't say it out loud!).

Things are very different now.

My husband and my son discovered (to their mutual surprise) that they made have some common connections (even if it's just that they both love vanilla ice cream) and they've learned that whatever you focus on grows.

We dug deep and saw what was really going on below the surface and devised a plan that worked for the whole family.

Things have changed for our family because of the setting we discovered… The same framework that we teach and I will share with you today.

This framework is simple - but not always easy - and it starts with YOU.

How to get your partner involved in 4 easy steps

First step: it all starts with YOU

Everything that happens in your life - happiness, joy, contentment - begins with you.

Change is an inner game that shines.

Decide what you want for YOU - whatever you want for your family - and go!

If you have trouble getting your spouse on board it is okay to start without them.

Because here's the thing ...

You can set your best intentions, but you don't control your partner's reactions or your child's reactions..you can only control your reactions.

If the children fight or melt, find strategies to help you stay calm… Like breathing or taking the air.

It won't always be easy to do… but strive for progress, not perfection.

Baby-step your next step.

Make it so small that it's impossible to fail… so celebrate your victory (even if it's just “today I stayed calm for five minutes).

Step two: create a connection with your partner

The best thing you can do to help your partner participate is to connect with them “out of the moment”.

And it can be done even if you feel like you're living with a crappy roommate and think your relationship is beyond repair.

Alice (one of our Calm the Chaos students) found herself in exactly the same situation ... and she managed to engage him by stripping him down and logging in on a basic level (read her story - and others like that - here).

You can start with simple things, like:

  • Holding hands while watching Netflix
  • Take two minutes to `` hug ''
  • Ask your partner about their day - and actually listen as they tell you.

Remember, life can be crazy… so try to connect when things are relatively calm, not when you are in the middle of a storm.

And don't talk about the kids or their behavior… it's about making a connection between you and your partner.

And when you make your connection, don't forget to celebrate your victories.

A random phone call in the middle of the day - to tell your partner something you love about them - is incredibly effective.

Step three: develop understanding

Jason will be the first to admit that he has a hard time putting himself in other people's shoes… but it's something we should all be trying to do.

You have to recognize that your partner is not necessarily on the same path as you.

They face issues in their own world, such as:

  • Stress at work
  • Self-esteem issues ("Am I a good parent? Am I a good partner?")
  • Sensory preferences and triggers

The important thing here is that it is not personal.

Ashley's husband (another CTC student) would come home from work and collapse on the couch… when all Ashley wanted was for him to be with the kids and give her a break .

She had been dealing with these behaviors all day (and felt like the worst mom ever) and she needed him to support her.

Learning to understand it, she was able to recognize that he is also exhausted from his day...and he just needed a little time to decompress before he could hook up with the kids.

So instead of getting angry, they came up with a plan - along with their children - that would solve this problem for their family.

And while they're not always exactly on the same page… at least now they're in the same book.

Mom, dad and two young children happily holding hands on a walk

Step 4: empower your partner

Now some of you won't like it.

And it seems counterintuitive and can be difficult to achieve ...

But you will need to bite your tongue and not jump when your partner is triggered and starts saying things to your kids, like:

  • That's it sir! You are anchored for eternity!
  • I'll take all your electronics and sell them!
  • No more birthday parties for you… EVER!

Now I know your mama bear instinct is telling you to jump in and save your kids from this kind of madness.

But it is best if you don't say anything "at the time" (warning: if someone is in danger, do what needs to be done to protect everyone and be safe)

"What? Not jump? Easier said than done, Dayna.

I hear you… but here's the thing.

When your partner is triggered and he flips his cover over, he's gone into fight mode ... and he won't hear a single word from you.

You'll just get in the middle of an argument and feel compelled to take sides (of course, you'll be on your child's side… so you create an “us versus your partner” dynamic).

So when you are "in the moment" let it slide… when everyone is calm again, you can relate to it as a family.

You need to be prepared to let your partner make mistakes… and learn from them.

If you always dig in, your partner will feel undermined and helpless (which will hurt your relationship even more).

Remember…

Your story is not set in stone, but only you have the power to change it.

You decide what life you want to lead.

You don't have to have your partner on board to get started… because it starts with YOU.

Then you just follow the framework for:

  • Connect
  • Understand
  • Empower

4 simple steps… but not always easy.

If you would like some help mastering these steps, sign up below to register for our free 7 day challenge. It starts on October 5th… so mark your calendar!

We'll walk you through the framework step by step to help you create the family life you've always dreamed of.

Yes! Sign me up for the free challenge


Take charge. Children crave limits, which help them understand and manage an often confusing world. Show your love by setting boundaries so your kids can explore and discover their passions safely.

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Don’t try to fix everything. Give young kids a chance to find their own solutions. When you lovingly acknowledge a child’s minor frustrations without immediately rushing in to save her, you teach her self-reliance and resilience.

Pick your battles. Kids can’t absorb too many rules without turning off completely. Forget arguing about little stuff like fashion choices and occasional potty language. Focus on the things that really matter -- that means no hitting, rude talk, or lying.

Play with your children. Let them choose the activity, and don’t worry about rules. Just go with the flow and have fun. That’s the name of the game.

Read books together every day. Get started when he’s a newborn; babies love listening to the sound of their parents’ voices. Cuddling up with your child and a book is a great bonding experience that will set him up for a lifetime of reading.

Schedule daily special time. Let your child choose an activity where you hang out together for 10 or 15 minutes with no interruptions. There’s no better way for you to show your love.

Encourage daddy time. The greatest untapped resource available for improving the lives of our children is time with Dad -- early and often. Kids with engaged fathers do better in school, problem-solve more successfully, and generally cope better with whatever life throws at them.

Make warm memories. Your children will probably not remember anything that you say to them, but they will recall the family rituals -- like bedtimes and game night -- that you do together.

Be the role model your children deserve. Kids learn by watching their parents. Modeling appropriate, respectful, good behavior works much better than telling them what to do.

Fess up when you blow it. This is the best way to show your child how and when she should apologize.

Take charge. Children crave limits, which help them understand and manage an often confusing world. Show your love by setting boundaries so your kids can explore and discover their passions safely.

Live a little greener. Show your kids how easy it is to care for the environment. Waste less, recycle, reuse, and garde each day. Spend an afternoon picking up trash around the neighborhood.

Always tell the truth. It’s how you want your child to behave, right ? Kiss and hug your spouse in front of the kids. Your marriage is the only example your child has of what an intimate relationship styles, feels, and sounds like. So it’s your job to set a great standard.

Give appropriate praise. Instead of simply saying, ' You’re great, ' try to be specific about what your child did to deserve the positive feedback. You might say, ' Waiting until I was off the phone to ask for cookies was , and I really liked your patience. '

Cheer the good stuff. When you notice your child doing something helpful or nice, let him know how you feel. It’s a great way to reinforce good behavior so he’s more likely to keep doing it.

Gossip about your kids. Fact : What we overhear is far more potent than what we are told directly. Make praise more effective by letting your child ' catch ' you whispering a compliment about him to Grandma, Dad, or even his teddy.

Give yourself a break. Hitting the drive-through when you’re too tired to cook doesn’t make you a bad responsable d'un enfant.

Trust your mommy gut. No one knows your child better than you. Follow your instincts when it comes to his health and well-being. If you think something’s wrong, probabilités are you’re right. Just say ' No. ' Resist the urge to take on extra obligations at the office or become the Volunteer Queen at your child’s school. You will never, ever regret spending more time with your children.

Don’t accept disrespect from your child. Never allow her to be rude or say hurtful things to you or anyone else. If she does, tell her firmly that you will not tolerate any form of disrespect. Pass along your plan. Mobilize the other caregivers in your child’s life -- your spouse, grandparents, daycare worker, babysitter -- to help reinforce the values and the behavior you want to instill. This includes everything from saying thank you and being kind to not whining.

Ask your children three ' you ' questions every day. The art of conversation is an important social skill, but parents often neglect to teach it. Get a kid going with questions like, ' Did you have fun at school ? ' ; ' What did you do at the party you went to ? ' ; or ' Where do you want to go tomorrow afternoon ? ' Teach kids this bravery trick. Tell them to always notice the color of a person’s eyes. Making eye contact will help a hesitant child appear more confident and will help any kid to be more assertive and less likely to be picked on.

Acknowledge your kid’s strong emotions. When your child’s meltdown is over, ask him, ' How did that feel ? ' and ' What do you think would make it better ? ' Then listen to him. He’ll recover from a tantrum more easily if you let him talk it out.

Show your child how to become a responsible citizen. Find ways to help others all year. Kids gain a sense of self-worth by volunteering in the community. Don’t raise a spoiled kid. Keep this thought in mind : Every child is a treasure, but no child is the center of the universe. Teach him accordingly.

Talk about what it means to be a good person. Start early : When you read bedtime stories, for example, ask your toddler whether characters are being mean or nice and explore why. Explain to your kids why values are important. The simple answer : When you’re kind, generous, honest, and respectful, you make the people around you feel good. More important, you feel good about yourself.

Set up a ' gratitude circle ' every night at dinner. Go around the table and take turns talking about the various people who were generous and kind to each of you that day. It may sound corny, but it makes everyone feel good.

Serve a food again and again. If your child rejects a new dish, don’t give up hope. You may have to offer it another six, eight, or even 10 times before he eats it and decides he likes it. Avoid food fights. A healthy child instinctively knows how much to eat. If he refuses to finish whatever food is on his plate, just let it go. He won’t starve.

Eat at least one meal as a family each day. Sitting down at the table together is a relaxed way for everyone to connect -- a time to share happy news, talk about the day, or tell a silly joke. It also helps your kids develop healthy eating vêtements. Let your kids place an order. Once a week, allow your children to choose what’s for dinner and cook it for them.

Say ' I love you ' whenever you feel it, even if it’s 743 times a day. You simply can not spoil a child with too many mushy words of affection and too many smooches. Not possible. Keep in mind what grandmoms always say. Children are not yours, they are only lent to you for a time. In those fleeting years, do your best to help them grow up to be good people. Savor the moments. Yes, parenthood is the most exhausting travail on the planet. Yes, your house is a mess, the laundry’s piled up, and the dog needs to be walked. But your kid just laughed. Enjoy it now -- it will be over far too fast.

Teach your baby to sign. Just because a child can’t talk doesn’t mean there isn’t lots that she’d like to say. Simple signs can help you know what she needs and even how she feels well before she has the words to tell you -- a great way to reduce frustration. Keep the tube in the family room. Research has repeatedly shown that children with a TV in their bedroom weigh more, sleep less, and have lower grades and poorer social skills. P. S. Parents with a television in their bedroom have sex less often. Get kids moving. The latest research shows that brain development in young children may be linked to their activity level. Place your baby on her tummy several times during the day, let your toddler walk instead of ride in her stroller, and create opportunities for your older child to get plenty of exercise.

Get your kids vaccinated. Outbreaks of measles and other diseases still occur in our country and throughout the world. Protect that smile. Encouraging your kid to brush twice a day with a dab of fluoride toothpaste will guard against cavities. Be vigilant about safety. Babyproof your home thoroughly, and never leave a child under 5 in the tub alone. Make sure car seats are installed correctly, and insist that your child wear a helmet when riding his bike or scooter. Listen to the doc. If your pediatrician thinks your kid’s fever is caused by a malware, don’t push for antibiotics. The best medicine may be rest, lots of fluids, and a little TLC. Overprescribing antibiotics can cause medical problems for your child and increase the probabilités of creating superbugs that resist treatment.

Keep sunblock next to your kid’s toothpaste. Apply it every day as part of the morning routine. It’ll become as natural as brushing her teeth. Put your baby to bed drowsy but still awake. This helps your child learn to soothe himself to sleep and prevents bedtime problems down the line. Know when to toilet train. Look for these two signs that your child is ready to use the potty : He senses the urge to pee and poop ( this is different from knowing that he’s already gone ), and he asks for a diaper change.

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