On my Instagram page, I asked the question: "What's your biggest frustration with dating?"
Wow, did I get a lot of feedback.
One of the most interesting answers came from a man's perspective.
Here is what he said:
I've noticed that dating in their 30s that women tend not to be completely honest with their real agenda. This is the biggest problem for me as a man.
I meet a woman, we decide to release what to me means, get to really know each other and see if we can make it work.
Women seem to start dating with the mentality that we are about to get married.
Hmm… to be honest, I don't know if you like black coffee or decaffeinated tea. I don't know why you cry when you hear "that" song and I don't know if you like lotion or baby oil after a bath.
What I want to tell women is to be fairer to yourself. Yes, you might have met a lot of frogs and finally a prince, who might even become your prince, but rest assured ... don't rush to discuss your perfect marriage, or where we will go, when I don't know your middle name.
Slow down and find out what's on her agenda and don't be so pushy on yours. Slower is better ladies..with love.
I liked his comment so much!
This is something that comes up often with clients. They wonder how "candid" they should be in their dating profile, or on their first date about what they're looking for.
They naturally don't want to waste their time.
Or they start dating a guy they really care about and wonder why he's starting to come off or the ghosts.
Of course, you are free to meet whatever you want, in what feels most real to you.
If in your profile or on a first date you want to be clear that you're looking for a long-term relationship and don't want to waste your time, that's perfectly okay.
It is important to realize that this is a male dominated energy that you are emitting.
It will attract a certain type of guy and repel others.
There is another easy way to be feminine that includes the kind of mystery that leads to romance and a slower increase in attraction and connection for men and women.
I think this man's comment made it perfectly clear.
Take things slowly.
Don't put it on a pedestal yet.
Don't give up your heart just yet.
Don't bring a long-term commitment or marriage into the conversation… just yet.
If this comes up, you might want to share that you would ultimately like to get married (if that's what you want) ...with the right person.
It relieves the pressure from both of you and gives the man a great opportunity to woo you and feel a strong connection with you, as things slowly develop.
It's a beautiful dance between two people who will lead to long term commitment on time.
If you feel like you're running out of time and want a relationship like… yesterday… I understand.
I was here.
Slow is quickly.
So ask him questions. Get to know. Explore the possibilities. Stay in this magical and mysterious place for as long as possible.
Reprint updated on My only love