Why Guys Like Porn, The 6 Phases Of Manhood & More.
John Eldredge is a bestselling author, counselor, and teacher. He is also president of Ransomed Heart, a ministry dedicated to helping people discover the heart of God, find their own hearts in the love...

John Eldredge is a bestselling author, counselor, and teacher. He is also president of Ransomed Heart, a ministry dedicated to helping people discover the heart of God, find their own hearts in the love of God, and learn to live in the kingdom of God. John and his wife, Stasi, live near Colorado Springs, Colorado.

John has written several books in the area of ​​fatherhood and family that are close to my heart, including Wild at Heart: discovering the secret of a man's soul, Father of God: Learn What Your Father Could Never Teach You, Awakening the Dead: The Secret of a Living Heart, and Love and war: find something beautiful in your marriage.

Lately I've taken a brief 1-10 minute “break” during the day to connect with my breath, myself, and most importantly, God. the One minute break The app I use is an easy way to reconnect with God in the middle of a busy day. John Eldredge is also the "voice" of this app, which invites you to the simple practice of committing everything to God, restoring your union with God and inviting it into your heart. The duration is perfect and the rhythm of the music and the breath worked very well for me. You can click here to try it out!

During this discussion with John, you will discover:

-How John got interested in meditation initially… 7:05

  • “Fried” in the digital space: email, iPhone, social media, news; click on it, watch this, watch this, etc.
  • Win the war for our attention; look for ways out of the madness; bring attention
  • Let go of all the sorrow and the madness; practices of letting go; let the world go
  • “God, I give you my attention…”; as a man of faith, settle down, calm down
  • Isaiah: Keep perfect peace, the person whose mind is turned towards you.
  • It was so effective for John that it inspired the app, his books, etc.
  • Becoming King: The Way To Restore A Man's Heart by Morgan Snyder
    • Significant for Ben; post about virility; become a better father, a better chef, a better king
  • Led by Douglas Brackmann
  • The world keeps us in "hypervigilance"

- Benevolent detachment, and other simple practices for a world gone mad ... 12h00

  • Assuming the fool, looking for simple things to do during the day
  • John's last book Take Back Your Life: Daily Practices for a World Gone Mad
  • Healing power of beauty; beauty is free and is all around us
  • Minimize technology
  • The goal is a restorative experience
  • Research shows that hospitalized people recover faster, need less pain medication and are released earlier if they have a window to nature; The healing power of beauty is wonderful

-A deeper dive into John's meditation practice… 14:23

  • John was skeptical of a 10-minute version of the One minute break meditation app would be popular
    • A 10-minute break became the app's second most popular feature during the pandemic
  • The pandemic has forced people into a state of loneliness and silence
  • The morning routine consists of a walk in the sun
    • Walking meditation is a game-changer; meditate while enjoying nature
    • Ben walks 5 to 7 miles a day; found walking to be as effective as breathing, meditating, sauna, etc. for its rooted effects; part of their daily routine
  • John was also a runner; stopped to slow everything down; life is too fast, the world is too fast
  • The average rate of human life for thousands of years was 3 miles an hour; this is how everyone moved because everyone walked (the human race moved 3 mph until very recently)

-How our "efficiency addiction" can cause fear, anxiety, depression, etc. 6:00 p.m.

  • Dr Andrew Huberman, a neuroscientist at Stanford, discovered that forward movement, anything that convinces your brain that you are progressing forward, is a cure for fear, stress and anxiety
  • Forward movement causes the brain to release dopamine
  • To walk is contrary to the madness of the world; the need to always be efficient
  • Massive uncertainty in the world today
  • "Return to breathing" in the face of constant uncertainty

-The uniquely masculine question in the hearts of all boys and men… 21:30

  • John's website The heart that is in Desert
  • Something deep in the hearts of little boys; boys are not wired to sit 8 hours a day; a good "savagery" in them
  • The world has stripped boys and men of this madness
  • Always looking for the validation of his father; "Do I have what it takes?"
  • If the question isn't answered correctly, it shapes who the boy becomes as a man.

-Rites of passage, ceremonies celebrating virility, and an answer to the big question that all boys ask themselves… 25: 00

  • Initiation trip; most cultures adopt rites of passage
  • Blessing ceremonies
  • One is a process; the other is an event
  • A young man must find out for himself: "Do I have what it takes?"
  • "Cowboy stage" of life (adolescence)
  • Hard work and adventure challenge the boy, boost his confidence in his ability to manage life

-The "poseur" and the false self ... 27:15

  • The installer - often the result of an absent father, whether emotional, physical, abusive, etc.
  • Two extremes: excessive masculinity or withdrawal of virility
  • The fear that others will find out that they 'don't have what it takes' is at the root
  • Unqualified masculinity is the goal; both tender and strong

-How to overcome the installer syndrome… 32:00

  • First be honest with how you simulate strength, involvement, etc.
  • Start choosing differently
  • You still need a healthy answer to the central question
  • Pornography has to do with seeking validation (feels alive for a moment)
  • We are not just bodies or souls; we are human beings; we have personalities, minds, hearts that go beyond our neurochemistry
  • We don't want to reduce humans to hormonal impulses
  • We don't want to take away what Pascal called the "dignity of causality"
  • Human beings are phenomenal creatures
  • William Blake: "The body of the naked woman is too eternity for the eye of the man to see"
  • How Your Parents Deal With The Wild Heart Shape You Into Who You Are Today

-How to overcome the “father's wound”… 36:45

-Six stages of virility… 43: 00

  • 1. The beloved son (seen / loved for who he is)
    • Before the question “Do I have what it takes?”, A boy's basic need is love
    • Meaning of "I am the beloved son"
    • Builds a security base
    • Doesn't feel abandoned when trials, training / difficulty arise
  • 2. Cowboy stage (adolescence, need for hard work and high levels of adventure)
    • "Do I have what it takes" yells
    • Ways to introduce boys - out of your comfort zone, risk taking
    • Discover "I can handle this" - I can handle life, I have what it takes
    • 13 to 18 years old - very physical
    • Do real things; dig a hole, repair the fence, paint the house; as well as digital objects
  • 3. Warrior
    • A man needs a mission in life
    • Man must have a purpose - strength and validation
    • The reason men die after retirement is because they feel like they have lost the purpose of their life
    • Men are wired to do things; make a difference in the world
  • 4. Lover
    • The training of warriors comes first; it takes a lot of courage to love properly
    • Love is vulnerable; awakening of the heart
    • Learn to integrate beauty into everyday life
  • 5. King in charge of a kingdom (40 years)
    • Has influence and power over others;
    • Key Question: The whole question of all cultures throughout history - When can you trust a powerful man?
    • A boy in a man's body shows leadership: a lot of money, or influence, will blow him up; ruin the people under him; It is only when a man has been initiated that you can entrust him with power
    • You become a king to serve
    • The heartache of the earth - there are many bad kings
  • 6. The sage
    • Hand over the power to a young king
    • Take a step where you are the counselor, counselor, mentor; spend time investing in young people
    • The stage where the influence is greatest
  • The order of these phases is important

-Advice to couples to grow together in grace ... 1:01:45

  • Love and war by John and Stasi Eldredge
  • Take back your life by John Eldredge
  • Play together - like vitamin D in a wedding
  • Pray together - stronger together
  • Read together

-What it means for a woman to be "captivating" ... 1: 09: 45

  • Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul by John and Stasi Eldredge
    • The basic needs of little girls are a little different:
      • Love / pleasure - want to be seen and delighted; gender identity is conferred by the father
      • Will I be chosen; will someone fight for me
    • Psychologically, the father's impact on gender identity is "massive"
    • Daughters learn the nature of femininity from their mothers; learns the value of the father
  • Become king by Morgan Snyder

-And much more!


Click here for the full written transcript of this podcast episode.

Resources for this episode:

- John Eldredge:

- Other books and resources:

Episode sponsors:

-The Kion Daily Life Pack: The Ultimate Kion Pack! Daily essentials from Ben Greenfield and Team Kion. Includes Kion Coffee, Aminos, Lean and Clean Energy Bar. BGF listeners, get 20% discount on your order when you use discount code BGF20.

-Joovv: After using the Joovv for almost 2 years, this is the only light therapy device I would ever recommend. Try it: you won't be disappointed. Order your Joovv today and receive my brand new book, Without Borders as a free gift.

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Do you have any questions, thoughts or comments for John Eldredge or me? Leave your comments below and one of us will get back to you!

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How to stay fit forever : 25 tips to keep moving when life gets in the wa

When it comes to exercise, we think about how to “get” fit. But often, starting out is not the problem. “The big problem is maintaining it, ” says Falko Sniehotta, a professor of behavioural medicine and health psychology at Newcastle University. The official UK guidelines say adults should do strength exercises, as well as 150 minutes of moderate activity, or une heure of vigorous activity, every week. According to the Health Survey for England in 2016, 34% of men and 42% of women are not hitting the aerobic exercise targets, and even more – 69% and 77% respectively – are not doing enough strengthening activity. A report from the World Health Organization last week found that people in the UK were among the least active in the world, with 32% of men and 40% of women reporting inactivity. Meanwhile, obesity is adding to the chronic long-term diseases cited in Public Health England’s analysis, which shows women in the UK are dying earlier than in most EU countries.

We all know we should be doing more, but how do we keep moving when our détermination slips, the weather takes a turn for the worse or life gets in the way ? Try these vingt cinq pieces of advice from experts and Guardian readers to keep you going.

Work out why, don’t just work outOur reasons for beginning to exercise are fundamental to whether we will keep it up, says Michelle Segar, the director of the University of Michigan’s Sport, Health and Activity Research and Policy Center. Too often “society promotes exercise and fitness by hooking into short-term détermination, guilt and shame”. There is some evidence, she says, that younger people will go to the gym more if their reasons are appearance-based, but past our early 20s that doesn’t fuel motivation much. Nor do vague or future goals help ( “I want to get fit, I want to lose weight” ). Segar, the author of No Sweat : How the Simple Science of Motivation Can Bring You a Lifetime of Fitness, says we will be more successful if we focus on immediate positive feelings such as stress diminution, increased energy and making friends. “The only way we are going to prioritise time to exercise is if it is going to deliver some kind of benefit that is truly compelling and valuable to our daily life, ” she says.

Get off to a slow startThe danger of the typical New Year resolutions approach to sport, says personal se reproduire Matt Roberts, is that people “jump in and do everything – change their diet, start exercising, stop drinking and smoking – and within a couple of weeks they have lost motivation or got too tired. If you haven’t been in shape, it’s going to take time. ” He likes the trend towards high-intensity interval training ( high intensity interval training ) and recommends people include some, “but to do that every day will be too intense for most people”. Do it once ( or twice, at most ) a week, combined with slow jogs, swimming and fast walks – plus two or three rest days, at least for the first month. “That will give someone a chance of having recovery séances alongside the high-intensity workouts. ”

You don’t have to love itAdvertisementIt is helpful not to try to make yourself do things you actively dislike, says Segar, who advises thinking about the types of activities – roller-skating ? Bike riding ? – you liked as a child. But don’t feel you have to really enjoy exercise. “A lot of people who stick with exercise say : ‘I feel better when I do it. ’” There are elements that probably will be enjoyable, though, such as the physical response of your body and the feeling of getting stronger, and the pleasure that comes with mastering a sport.

“For many people, the obvious choices aren’t necessarily the ones they would enjoy, ” says Sniehotta, who is also the director of the National Institute for Health Research’s policy research unit in behavioural méthode, “so they need to look outside them. It might be different sports or simple things, like sharing activities with other people. ”

Be kind to yourselfIndividual détermination – or the lack of it – is only part of the bigger picture. Money, parenting demands or even where you real can all be stumbling blocks, says Sniehotta. Tiredness, depression, work stress or ill family members can all have an effet on physical activity. “If there is a lot of support around you, you will find it easier to maintain physical activity, ” he points out. “If you real in certain parts of the country, you might be more comfortable doing outdoor physical activity than in others. tera conclude that people who don’t get enough physical activity are just lacking détermination is problematic. ”

Segar suggests being realistic. “Skip the ideal of going to the gym five days a week. Be really analytical about work and family-related needs when starting, because if you set yourself up with goals that are too big, you will fail and you’ll feel like a failure. At the end of a week, I always ask my clients to reflect on what worked and what didn’t. Maybe fitting in a walk at lunch worked, but you didn’t have the energy after work to do it. ”

Don’t rely on willpower“If you need willpower to do something, you don’t really want to do it, ” says Segar. Instead, think about exercise “in terms of why we’re doing it and what we want to get from physical activity. How can I benefit today ? How do I feel when I move ? How do I feel after I move ? ”

Anything that allows you to exercise while ticking off other goals will help, says Sniehotta. “It provides you with more gratification, and the costs of not doing it are higher. ” For instance, walking or cycling to work, or making friends by joining a sports club, or running with a friend. “Or the goal is to spend more time in the countryside, and running helps you do that. ”

Try to allie physical activity with something else. “For example, in my workplace I don’t use the lift and I try to reduce courier, so when it’s possible I walk over to people, ” says Sniehotta. “Over the course of the day, I walk to work, I move a lot in the building and I actually get about 15, 000 steps. Try to make physical activity hit as many meaningful targets as you can. ”

Make it a habitWhen you take up course, it can be tiring just getting out of the door – where are your shoes ? Your water bottle ? What route are you going to take ? After a while, points out Sniehottta, “there are no longer costs associated with the activity”. Doing physical activity regularly and planning for it “helps make it a sustainable behaviour”. Missing séances doesn’t.

Plan and prioritiseWhat if you don’t have time to exercise ? For many people, sérieux two jobs or with extensive caring responsibilities, this can undoubtedly be true, but is it genuinely true for you ? It might be a question of priorities, says Sniehotta. He recommends planning : “The first is ‘action planning’, where you plan where, when and how you are going to do it and you try to stick with it. ” The deuxième type is ‘coping planning’ : “anticipating things that can get in the way and putting a plan into place for how to get motivated again”. Segar adds : “Most people don’t give themselves permission to prioritise self-care behaviours like exercise. ”

Keep it short and sharpA workout doesn’t have to take an hour, says Roberts. “A well-structured 15-minute workout can be really effective if you really are pressed for time. ” As for regular, longer séances, he says : “You tell yourself you’re going to make time and change your schedule accordingly. ”

If it doesn’t work, change itIt rains for a week, you don’t go running once and then you feel guilty. “It’s a combination of emotion and lack of confidence that brings us to the point where, if people fail a few times, they think it’s a failure of the entire project, ” says Sniehotta. Remember it’s possible to get back on track.

If previous exercise regimes haven’t worked, don’t beat yourself up or try them again – just try something else, he says. “We tend to be in the mindset that if you can’t lose weight, you blame it on yourself. However, if you could change that to : ‘This method doesn’t work for me, let’s try something different, ’ there is a chance it will be better for you and it prevents you having to blame yourself, which is not helpful. ”

Add resistance and balance training as you get olderAdvertisement“We start to lose bourrinage mass over the age of around 30, ” says Hollie Grant, a personal training and pilates instructor, and the owner of PilatesPT. Resistance training ( using body weight, such as press-ups, or equipment, such as resistance bands ) is important, she says : “It is going to help keep bourrinage mass or at least slow down the loss. There needs to be some form of aerobic exercise, too, and we would also recommend people start adding balance défis because our balance is affected as we get older. ”

Up the ante“If you do 5k runs and you don’t know if you should push faster or go further, rate your exertion from one to 10, ” says Grant. “As you see those numbers go down, that’s when to start pushing yourself a bit faster. ” Roberts says that, with regular exercise, you should be seeing progress over a two-week period and pushing yourself if you feel it is getting easier. “You’re looking for a change in your speed or endurance or strength. ”

If you have caring responsibilities, Roberts says you can do a lot within a small area at home. “In a living room, it is easy to do a routine where you might alternate between doing a leg exercise and an arm exercise, ” he says. “It’s called Peripheral Heart Action training. Doing six or eight exercises, this effect of going between the upper and lower body produces a pretty strong metabolism lift and cardiovascular workout. ” Try squats, half press-ups, lunges, tricep dips and glute raises. “You’re raising your heart rate, working your muscles and having a good general workout. ” These take no more than 15-20 minutes and only require a peau for the tricep dips – although dumbbells can be helpful, too.

Get out of breathAdvertisementWe are often told that housework and gardening can contribute to our weekly exercise targets, but is it that simple ? “The measure really is you’re getting generally hot, out of breath, and you’re working at a level where, if you have a conversation with somebody while you’re doing it, you’re puffing a bit, ” says Roberts. “With gardening, you’d have to be doing the heavier gardening – digging – not just weeding. If you’re walking the dog, you can make it into a genuine exercise session – run with the dog, or find a route that includes some hills. ”

Be sensible about illnessJoslyn Thompson Rule, a personal se reproduire, says : “The general rule is if it’s above the neck – a headache or a cold – while being mindful of how you’re feeling, you are generally OK to do some sort of exercise. If it’s below the neck – if you’re having trouble breathing – rest. The key thing is to be sensible. If you were planning on doing a high-intensity workout, you would take the pace down, but sometimes just moving can make you feel better. ” After recovering from an illness, she says, trust your instincts. “You don’t want to go straight back into training four times a week. You might want to do the same number of séances but make them shorter, or do fewer. ”

Seek advice after injuryClearly, how quickly you start exercising again depends on the type of injury, and you should seek advice from your doctor. Psychologically, though, says Thompson Rule : “Even when we’re doing everything as we should, there are still dips in the road. It’s not going to be a linear progression of getting better. ”

Take it slowly after pregnancyAgain, says Thompson Rule, listen to your body – and your doctor’s advice at your six-week postnatal checkup. After a caesarean section, getting back to exercise will be slower, while pregnancy-related back injuries and problems with abdominal groupes musculaires all affect how soon you can get back to training, and may require physiotherapy. “Once you’re walking and have a bit more energy, depending on where you were before ( some women never trained before pregnancy ), starting a regime after a baby is quite something to undertake, ” says Thompson Rule. “Be patient. I get more emails from women asking when they’re going to get their stomachs flat again than anything. Relax, take care of yourself and take care of your baby. When you’re feeling a bit more energised, slowly get back into your routine. ” She recommends starting with “very basic stuff like walking and carrying your baby [in a sling]”.

Tech can helpFor goal-oriented people, Grant says, it can be useful to monitor progress closely, but “allow some flexibility in your goals. You might have had a stressful day at work, go out for a run and not do it as quickly and then think : ‘I’m just not going to bother any more. ’” However, “It can start to get a bit addictive, and then you don’t listen to your body and you’re more at risk of injury. ”

Winter is not an excuseAdvertisement“Winter is not necessarily a time to hibernate, ” says Thompson Rule. Be decisive, put your trainers by the door and try not to think about the cold/drizzle/greyness. “It’s the same with going to the gym – it’s that voice in our head that make us feel like it’s a hassle, but once you’re there, you think : ‘Why was I procrastinating about that for so long ? ’”

Keep it bite-sizeAlex TomlinI’ve tried and failed a few times to establish a consistent course routine, but that was because I kept pushing myself too . Just because I can run for an hour doesn’t mean I should. Running two or three times a week for 20-30 minutes each time has improved my fitness hugely and made it easier to fit in.

I keep a grande bag of Midget Gems in my car to motivate myself to get to the gym, allowing myself a handful before a workout. Sometimes I toss in some wine gums for the element of surprise.

I tapped into the vast network of fitness podcasts and online communities. On days I lacked drive, I would listen to a fitness podcast, and by the time I got home, I would be absolutely determined to make the right choices. In fact, I would be excited by it. Your brain responds very well to repetition and reinforcement, so once you have made the difficult initial change, it becomes much easier over time.

I have kept a “star chart” on my calendar for the past two years, after having three years of being chronically unfit. I put a gold star on days that I exercise, and it’s a good visual motivator for when I am feeling slug-like. I run, use our home cross-trainer and do a ski fitness programme from an app. My improved core strength has helped my course and ability to carry my disabled child when needed.

If, like me, you need to get up early to exercise or it just doesn’t happen, move your alarm clock away from your bed and next to your coffret. Once you have got up to turn it off, you might as well keep going !

I have one simple rule which could apply to any fitness activity – I do not allow more than four days to elapse between sessions. So, if I know I have a busy couple of days coming up, I make sure I run before them so that I have “banked” my four days. With the exception of illness, injury or family emergencies, I have stuck to this rule for 10 years.

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