No matter how independent or self-sufficient a person is, there is always a desire to be loved and to feel important in one way or another. To feel loved and validated are two very basic human needs.
When you perceive that you are not loved, that you are not respected, or that you are not getting the attention you crave from those close to you, it hurts.
Your sense of self-worth usually takes a nose dive, and you may be wondering what you did to deserve such abuse.
Whether it's your spouse, your partner, your parents, your siblings, your children, your colleagues, your boss or anyone else in your life….
If it seems like you aren't getting the respect, care, or attention you want from another person, it can not only affect your relationship, but also your ability to live a life as fully satisfied and happy as you want.
Being in a painful place like this can feel confining. You might believe that this is just the way relationships are or that you somehow deserve to be ignored or not respected. You may feel totally powerless to do positive changes which makes the situation even worse.
Know that there are things you can do. You cannot force or "force" someone else the respect or take care of yourself in whatever way you want, but you are NOT helpless.
Try these 5 ways to get more respect, validation, and attention in your life ...
# 1: Be clear about your need.
When you catch yourself asking that other person (out loud or in your mind), "What have you been doing for me lately?" Stop. Come inside and listen to the very specific need that you have.
What is really true for you right now?
In my own life, often what initially seems to bother me is very different from what REALLY bothers me.
Recently I have been feeling sad and at first thought it was because my husband paid more attention to his new job than to me. Before approaching her to talk, I took a step further and found that I mostly felt estranged from two of my close friends that I haven't had contact with in a while. While spending more quality time with my husband was a priority, in this case my sadness was more directly related to these friendships.
This clarification enabled me to take action (reach out to these friends) in order to meet my need.
# 2: Meet your own needs yourself.
If you've ever flown in an airplane, you probably know the emergency instructions for attaching an air mask or flotation device to yourself BEFORE helping another person. It makes sense that, in a dire situation, you might be better able to help someone else when you've first met your own needs.
These instructions also apply to everyday life.
Too many of us put aside our own needs over and over again. We deplete our inner reserves, then we find ourselves irritated and exhausted. This is the place where many of us wonder when someone, anyone, is going to treat us kindly!
Believe it or not, you can more easily and fully receive what others offer when you first meet your own needs. If you aren't already doing this, regularly take time to pamper yourself, pamper yourself, and treat yourself with love and kindness.
# 3: Acknowledge what is given to you.
The beauty of meeting your own needs the best is that then you are in a place where you can notice the care, respect, or love being offered to you.
It may not sound, sound, or feel exactly what you would do to yourself, but it may be correct.
People show their love and respect in different ways. It may be that the unique way that this person pays you attention or shows you respect or love is potentially rewarding for you. You will only know it if you are able to open yourself up to whatever is in the first place.
You can be pleasantly surprised and positively stretched when you recognize that your loved ones ARE respectful and loving in their own way.
# 4: Make specific requests.
When you start to meet your own needs and open up to what others have to offer you (which you hadn't noticed before), you might still feel disappointed or upset. Relationships can sometimes be messy and unpleasant. People can be numb and even abusive.
Now is the time to make behavior change requests. Both clarity and specificity are essential.
Instead of making general or vague statements like, "You never have time for me," try "I would like us to commit to a date night every week." Are you ready to make time in your schedule for this? "
Rather than saying, “You never respect me,” try “When you use that tone of voice and call me those names, I feel hurt and depressed. I will listen to you when you use a softer tone of voice and choose gentler words. "
It helps to keep your request focused on what you want in terms of specific behavior changes and also a certain timeframe, if applicable.
# 5: Decide what is best for you.
Ultimately, you decide what is best for you. Perhaps choosing to interact with that person differently, restrict interactions with that person, get professional help with the relationship, or end the relationship completely is the most effective way for you to respond. to your needs.
Remember that YOU can choose how you will be in each of your relationships, including your relationship with yourself.
Are you solo and looking for love ? Are you finding it to meet the right person ? When you’re having dysfonctionnement finding a love connection, it’s all too easy to become discouraged or buy into the destructive myths out there about dating and relationships.
Life as a solo person offers many rewards, such as being free to pursue your own hobbies and interests, learning how to enjoy your own company, and appreciating the quiet instants of solitude. However, if you’re ready to share your life with someone and want to build a lasting, worthwhile relationship, life as a single person can also seem frustrating.
For many of us, our emotional baggage can make finding the right romantic partner a difficult journey. Perhaps you grew up in a household where there was no role model of a solid, saine relationship and you doubt that such a thing even exists. Or maybe your dating history consists only of brief flings and you don’t know how to make a relationship last. You could be attracted to the wrong type of person or keep making the same bad choices over and over, due to an unresolved provenant from your past. Or maybe you’re not putting yourself in the best environments to meet the right person, or that when you do, you don’t feel confident enough.
Whatever the case may be, you can overcome your obstacles. Even if you’ve been burned repeatedly or have a poor track record when it comes to dating, these tips can help put you on the path to finding a saine, loving relationship that lasts.
The first step to finding love is to reassess some of the misconceptions about dating and relationships that may be preventing you from finding lasting love.
While there are health benefits that come with being in a solid relationship, many people can be just as happy and fulfilled without being part of a couple. Despite the stigma in some social circles that accompanies being solo, it’s important not to enter a relationship just to “fit in. ” Being alone and being lonely are not the same thing. And nothing is as unhealthy and dispiriting as being in a bad relationship.
This is an important myth to dispel, especially if you have a history of making inappropriate choices. Instant sexual attraction and lasting love do not necessarily go hand-in-hand. Emotions can change and deepen over time, and friends sometimes become lovers—if you give those relationships a chance to develop.
Women and men feel similar things but sometimes rapide their feelings differently, often according to society’s conventions. But both men and women experience the same core emotions such as sadness, anger, fear, and joy.
Love is rarely static, but that doesn’t mean love or physical attraction is doomed to fade over time. As we age, both men and women have fewer sexual hormones, but emotion often influences passion more than hormones, and sexual passion can become stronger over time
When we start looking for a long-term partner or enter into a romantic relationship, many of us do so with a predetermined set of ( often unrealistic ) expectations—such as how the person should look and behave, how the relationship should progress, and the roles each partner should fulfill. These expectations may be based on your family history, influence of your peer group, your past experiences, or even ideals portrayed in movies and TV shows. Retaining many of these unrealistic expectations can make any potential partner seem inadequate and any new relationship feel disappointing.
Needs are different than wants in that needs are those qualities that matter to you most, such as values, ambitions, or goals in life. These are probably not the things you can find out about a person by eyeing them on the street, reading their profile on a dating site, or sharing a quick cocktail at a bar before last call.
Don’t make your search for a relationship the center of your life. Concentrate on activities you enjoy, your career, health, and relationships with family and friends. When you focus on keeping yourself happy, it will keep your life balanced and make you a more interesting person when you do meet someone special.
Remember that first imprimés aren’t always reliable, especially when it comes to Internet dating. It always takes time to really get to know a person and you have to experience being with someone in a variety of situations. For example, how well does this person hold up under pressure when things don’t go well or when they’re tired, frustrated, or hungry ?
Be honest about your own flaws and shortcomings. Everyone has flaws, and for a relationship to last, you want someone to love you for the person you are, not the person you’d like to be, or the person they think you should be. Besides, what you consider a flaw may actually be something another person finds quirky and appealing. By shedding all pretense, you’ll encourage the other person to do the same, which can lead to an honest, more fulfilling relationship.
Build a genuine connectionThe dating game can be nerve wracking. It’s only natural to worry about how you’ll come across and whether or not your date will like you. But no matter how shy or socially awkward you feel, you can overcome your nerves and self-consciousness and forge a great connection.
Focus outward, not inward. tera engagement first-date nerves, focus your attention on what your date is saying and doing and what’s going on around you, rather than on your internal thoughts. Staying fully present in the moment will help take your mind off worries and insecurities.
Be curious. When you’re truly curious about someone else’s thoughts, feelings, experiences, stories, and opinions, it shows—and they’ll like you for it. You’ll come across as far more attractive and interesting than if you spend your time trying to promote yourself to your date. And if you aren’t genuinely interested in your date, there’s little point in pursuing the relationship further.
Be genuine. Showing interest in others can’t be faked. If you’re just pretending to listen or care, your date will pick up on it. No one likes to be manipulated or placated. Rather than helping you connect and make a good figure, your efforts will most likely backfire. If you aren’t genuinely interested in your date, there is little point in pursuing the relationship further.
Pay attention. Make an effort to truly listen to the other person. By paying close attention to what they say, do, and how they interact, you’ll quickly get to know them. Little things go a long way, such as remembering someone’s preferences, the stories they’ve told you, and what’s going on in their life.
Put your smartphone away. You can’t truly pay attention or forge a genuine connection when you’re multitasking. Nonverbal communication—subtle gestures, termes, and other visual cues—tell us a lot about another person, but they’re easy to miss unless you’re tuned in.
Online dating, singles events, and matchmaking services like speed dating are enjoyable for some people, but for others they can feel more like high-pressure travail interviews. And whatever dating experts might tell you, there is a big difference between finding the right career and finding lasting love.