This is something that for some reason women are not encouraged to talk about.
It is something that some say denotes weakness.
… Like a conservative 1950s housewife instead of an independent 21st century woman.
This is something some people think you are like a conservative 50s housewife instead of a 21st century independent woman.
And it's not even remotely controversial. Ready?
“I am really sad that I cannot get married and have my own biological children.”
You might think I'm exaggerating. But all you have to do is pay attention to the title of this first person piece by Melanie Notkin entitled "My Secret Grief: Over 35, Single and ChildlessKnowing that sharing this desire is not always a popular position.
Not in a society where to admit his desire for something traditional is often twisted into a backward, anti-feminist message, rather than what it is: a deep and painful need for many women.
“The grief of not being able to have children is acceptable to couples with biological infertility. The heartache of childlessness for a single woman in her 30s and 40s is not so accepted. Instead, it is assumed that we just don't understand that our fertility has a finite lifespan and that we are just reckless with chance ... Or, it is assumed that we are not "trying hard enough" or that we are "too picky". The latest tendency is to assume that we don't really want kids because we haven't frozen our eggs, adopted, or had a biological baby as a single woman.
This type of mourning, of grief that is not accepted or that is silent, is called grief deprived of his rights. It is the grief that you don't feel allowed to cry because your loss is not clear or understood. You haven't lost a sibling or spouse or parent. But losses that others don't recognize can be as powerful as those that are socially acceptable. "
Women like Ms. Notkin are my readers and clients - women who have it all… except for the life they envisioned for themselves. This is why I am so sensitive to their desires and I take great pride in helping women find love and start families - yes, even in their forties. Love U is filled with them.
I will give the last word to the author:
“The sorrow of never becoming a mother is a sorrow I will never get over, like the sorrow of losing my own mother 23 years ago. But like this kind of grief, over time it is no longer constant or active. Yes, there is still hope that I will meet a man who has the desire to have a baby with me and who will be ready to be with me through the treatments I may need to make it happen. Or cry with me if they don't work. But most of all, I just keep looking for love. Fortunately, there is no biological time limit for this dream.
Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.
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Are you single and looking for love ? Are you finding it hard to meet the right person ? When you’re having dysfonctionnement finding a love connection, it’s all too easy to become discouraged or buy into the destructive myths out there about dating and relationships.
Life as a single person offers many rewards, such as being free to pursue your own hobbies and interests, learning how to enjoy your own company, and appreciating the quiet instants of retraite. However, if you’re ready to share your life with someone and want to build a lasting, worthwhile relationship, life as a single person can also seem frustrating.
For many of us, our emotional baggage can make finding the right romantic partner a difficult journey. Perhaps you grew up in a household where there was no role model of a solid, saine relationship and you doubt that such a thing even exists. Or maybe your dating history consists only of brief flings and you don’t know how to make a relationship last. You could be attracted to the wrong type of person or keep making the same bad choices over and over, due to an unresolved provenant from your past. Or maybe you’re not putting yourself in the best environments to meet the right person, or that when you do, you don’t feel confident enough.
Whatever the case may be, you can overcome your obstacles. Even if you’ve been burned repeatedly or have a poor track record when it comes to dating, these tips can help put you on the path to finding a saine, loving relationship that lasts.
The first step to finding love is to reassess some of the misconceptions about dating and relationships that may be preventing you from finding lasting love.
While there are health benefits that come with being in a solid relationship, many people can be just as happy and fulfilled without being part of a couple. Despite the stigma in some social circles that accompanies being solo, it’s important not to enter a relationship just to “fit in. ” Being alone and being lonely are not the same thing. And nothing is as unhealthy and dispiriting as being in a bad relationship.
This is an important myth to dispel, especially if you have a history of making inappropriate choices. Instant sexual attraction and lasting love do not necessarily go hand-in-hand. Emotions can change and deepen over time, and friends sometimes become lovers—if you give those relationships a chance to develop.
Women and men feel similar things but sometimes rapide their feelings differently, often according to society’s conventions. But both men and women experience the same core emotions such as sadness, anger, fear, and joy.
Love is rarely static, but that doesn’t mean love or physical attraction is doomed to fade over time. As we age, both men and women have fewer sexual hormones, but emotion often influences passion more than hormones, and sexual volonté can become stronger over time
When we start looking for a long-term partner or enter into a romantic relationship, many of us do so with a predetermined set of ( often unrealistic ) expectations—such as how the person should look and behave, how the relationship should progress, and the roles each partner should fulfill. These expectations may be based on your family history, influence of your peer group, your past experiences, or even ideals portrayed in movies and TV shows. Retaining many of these unrealistic expectations can make any potential partner seem inadequate and any new relationship feel disappointing.
Needs are different than wants in that needs are those qualities that matter to you most, such as values, ambitions, or goals in life. These are probably not the things you can find out about a person by eyeing them on the street, reading their profile on a dating site, or sharing a quick cocktail at a bar before last call.
Don’t make your search for a relationship the center of your life. Concentrate on activities you enjoy, your career, health, and relationships with family and friends. When you focus on keeping yourself happy, it will keep your life balanced and make you a more interesting person when you do meet someone special.
Remember that first impressions aren’t always reliable, especially when it comes to Internet dating. It always takes time to really get to know a person and you have to experience being with someone in a variety of situations. For example, how well does this person hold up under pressure when things don’t go well or when they’re tired, frustrated, or hungry ?
Be honest about your own flaws and shortcomings. Everyone has flaws, and for a relationship to last, you want someone to love you for the person you are, not the person you’d like to be, or the person they think you should be. Besides, what you consider a flaw may actually be something another person finds quirky and appealing. By shedding all pretense, you’ll encourage the other person to do the same, which can lead to an honest, more fulfilling relationship.
Build a genuine connectionThe dating game can be nerve wracking. It’s only natural to worry about how you’ll come across and whether or not your date will like you. But no matter how shy or socially awkward you feel, you can overcome your nerves and self-consciousness and forge a great connection.
Focus outward, not inward. to engagement first-date nerves, focus your attention on what your date is saying and doing and what’s going on around you, rather than on your internal thoughts. Staying fully present in the moment will help take your mind off worries and insecurities.
Be curious. When you’re truly curious about someone else’s thoughts, feelings, experiences, stories, and opinions, it shows—and they’ll like you for it. You’ll come across as far more attractive and interesting than if you spend your time trying to promote yourself to your date. And if you aren’t genuinely interested in your date, there’s little point in pursuing the relationship further.
Be genuine. Showing interest in others can’t be faked. If you’re just pretending to listen or care, your date will pick up on it. No one likes to be manipulated or placated. Rather than helping you connect and make a good impression, your efforts will most likely backfire. If you aren’t genuinely interested in your date, there is little point in pursuing the relationship further.
Pay attention. Make an effort to truly listen to the other person. By paying close attention to what they say, do, and how they interact, you’ll quickly get to know them. Little things go a long way, such as remembering someone’s preferences, the stories they’ve told you, and what’s going on in their life.
Put your smartphone away. You can’t truly pay attention or forge a genuine connection when you’re multitasking. Nonverbal communication—subtle gestures, expressions, and other visual cues—tell us a lot about another person, but they’re easy to miss unless you’re tuned in.
Online dating, singles events, and matchmaking services like speed dating are enjoyable for some people, but for others they can feel more like high-pressure emploi interviews. And whatever dating experts might tell you, there is a big difference between finding the right career and finding lasting love.