Do You Ever Judge Other People? Here’s What That Says About You
Thursdays are for sharing interesting articles on dating, relationships, sex, sex, marriage and personal growth and this week is no different. Juliana Breines, PhD, contributed this insightful article at Psychology Today it is well worth your time. Entitled "5 Things Our Judgments About Others Say About Us," it's a useful window into dating behavior, in […]

Thursdays are for sharing interesting articles on dating, relationships, sex, sex, marriage and personal growth and this week is no different. Juliana Breines, PhD, contributed this insightful article at Psychology Today it is well worth your time.

Entitled "5 Things Our Judgments About Others Say About Us," it's a useful window into dating behavior, in which we are much more likely to blame the opposite sex for our failures than how our realities and experiences look. are shaped by our beliefs.

1. If you tend to see people through rose-colored glasses…

… You could be very pleasant, a personality trait characterized by warmth, kindness and empathy. Perhaps it's no surprise that nice people are more likely to see others in a positive way, focusing on their good qualities and giving them the benefit of the doubt when they behave badly.

2. If you can't stand narcissists ...

… You are less likely to be a narcissist yourself. But if you don't really mind narcissists, you're more likely to have narcissistic characteristics.

3. If you judge someone's personality based on one behavior ...

… You are more likely to have an independent model of yourself, which emphasizes autonomy and internal motivation. In contrast, people who don't tie behavior and personality so strongly are more likely to have an interdependent model of the self, which emphasizes social roles and context ... It's not that one perspective is more valid than the other, but when we tend to lean one way, we might be more likely to miss instances where things are actually swaying the other.

4. If you don't love someone irrationally ...

… It may be because you feel envious or threatened by their success. There are many reasons why we might not be someone's fan, but when the level of contempt seems out of proportion to the offensive behavior, it tells us that something more may be happening. .

5. If you criticize someone who has a different lifestyle from yours…

… It may indicate that you have underlying doubts about your own lifestyle.

We all want to feel good where we are in life. So when we see someone thrive in a different situation, it can create an uncomfortable feeling of cognitive dissonance. One way our minds deal with this feeling is through a process called normative idealization which involves viewing our own status as the ideal for all and viewing those who do not conform to the ideal in a more negative light.

The author cites married people as an example of normative idealization, which makes sense. However, from this dating coach's perspective, I hear a lot of women trying to rationalize that they are really HAPPY to be single, which justifies their decision to give up on love, not to date and to stay alone.

The vast majority are NOT happier to be single

In fact, the vast majority are NOT much happier to be single. They TOLERATE being single but are more petrified of dating, getting hurt, wasting time, being rejected, being heartbroken or investing in coaching and finding out that Mr. Right hasn't introduced himself yet. So they say to themselves "I'd rather be single," when the actual sentence should read: "I'd rather be single than in a miserable relationship, but I'd rather be married than single."

Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.




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Are you single and looking for love ? Are you finding it hard to meet the right person ? When you’re having trouble finding a love connection, it’s all too easy to become discouraged or buy into the destructive myths out there about dating and relationships.

Life as a single person offers many rewards, such as being free to pursue your own hobbies and interests, learning how to enjoy your own company, and appreciating the quiet moments of solitude. However, if you’re ready to share your life with someone and want to build a lasting, worthwhile relationship, life as a solo person can also seem frustrating.

For many of us, our emotional baggage can make finding the right romantic partner a difficult journey. Perhaps you grew up in a household where there was no role model of a solid, saine relationship and you doubt that such a thing even exists. Or maybe your dating history consists only of brief flings and you don’t know how to make a relationship last. You could be attracted to the wrong type of person or keep making the same bad choices over and over, due to an unresolved provenant from your past. Or maybe you’re not putting yourself in the best environments to meet the right person, or that when you do, you don’t feel confident enough.

Whatever the case may be, you can overcome your obstacles. Even if you’ve been burned repeatedly or have a poor track record when it comes to dating, these tips can help put you on the path to finding a saine, loving relationship that lasts.

The first step to finding love is to reassess some of the misconceptions about dating and relationships that may be preventing you from finding lasting love.

While there are health benefits that come with being in a solid relationship, many people can be just as happy and fulfilled without being part of a couple. Despite the stigma in some social circles that accompanies being single, it’s important not to enter a relationship just to “fit in. ” Being alone and being lonely are not the same thing. And nothing is as unhealthy and dispiriting as being in a bad relationship.

This is an important myth to dispel, especially if you have a history of making inappropriate choices. Instant sexual attraction and lasting love do not necessarily go hand-in-hand. Emotions can change and deepen over time, and friends sometimes become lovers—if you give those relationships a chance to develop.

Women and men feel similar things but sometimes rapide their feelings differently, often according to society’s conventions. But both men and women experience the same core emotions such as sadness, anger, fear, and joy.

Love is rarely static, but that doesn’t mean love or physical attraction is doomed to fade over time. As we age, both men and women have fewer sexual hormones, but emotion often influences passion more than hormones, and sexual passion can become stronger over time

When we start looking for a long-term partner or enter into a romantic relationship, many of us do so with a predetermined set of ( often unrealistic ) expectations—such as how the person should look and behave, how the relationship should progress, and the roles each partner should fulfill. These expectations may be based on your family history, influence of your peer group, your past experiences, or even ideals portrayed in movies and TV shows. Retaining many of these unrealistic expectations can make any potential partner seem inadequate and any new relationship feel disappointing.

Needs are different than wants in that needs are those qualities that matter to you most, such as values, ambitions, or goals in life. These are probably not the things you can find out about a person by eyeing them on the street, reading their profile on a dating site, or sharing a quick petit cocktail at a bar before last call.

Don’t make your search for a relationship the center of your life. Concentrate on activities you enjoy, your career, health, and relationships with family and friends. When you focus on keeping yourself happy, it will keep your life balanced and make you a more interesting person when you do meet someone special.

Remember that first impressions aren’t always reliable, especially when it comes to Internet dating. It always takes time to really get to know a person and you have to experience being with someone in a variety of situations. For example, how well does this person hold up under pressure when things don’t go well or when they’re tired, frustrated, or hungry ?

Be honest about your own flaws and shortcomings. Everyone has flaws, and for a relationship to last, you want someone to love you for the person you are, not the person you’d like to be, or the person they think you should be. Besides, what you consider a flaw may actually be something another person finds quirky and appealing. By shedding all pretense, you’ll encourage the other person to do the same, which can lead to an honest, more fulfilling relationship.

Build a genuine connectionThe dating game can be nerve wracking. It’s only natural to worry about how you’ll come across and whether or not your date will like you. But no matter how shy or socially awkward you feel, you can overcome your nerves and self-consciousness and forge a great connection.

Focus outward, not inward. tera la bataille first-date nerves, focus your attention on what your date is saying and doing and what’s going on around you, rather than on your internal thoughts. Staying fully present in the moment will help take your mind off worries and insecurities.

Be curious. When you’re truly curious about someone else’s thoughts, feelings, experiences, stories, and opinions, it shows—and they’ll like you for it. You’ll come across as far more attractive and interesting than if you spend your time trying to promote yourself to your date. And if you aren’t genuinely interested in your date, there’s little point in pursuing the relationship further.

Be genuine. Showing interest in others can’t be faked. If you’re just pretending to listen or care, your date will pick up on it. No one likes to be manipulated or placated. Rather than helping you connect and make a good figure, your efforts will most likely backfire. If you aren’t genuinely interested in your date, there is little point in pursuing the relationship further.

Pay attention. Make an effort to truly listen to the other person. By paying close attention to what they say, do, and how they interact, you’ll quickly get to know them. Little things go a long way, such as remembering someone’s preferences, the stories they’ve told you, and what’s going on in their life.

Put your smartphone away. You can’t truly pay attention or forge a genuine connection when you’re multitasking. Nonverbal communication—subtle gestures, termes, and other visual cues—tell us a lot about another person, but they’re easy to miss unless you’re tuned in.

Online dating, singles events, and matchmaking services like speed dating are enjoyable for some people, but for others they can feel more like high-pressure job interviews. And whatever dating experts might tell you, there is a big difference between finding the right career and finding lasting love.

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