How Parents Help (or Hurt) When They Reach Out to Their Teens’ Schools
What is the line between defending your teenager and alienating your child from school? Finding balance - always important to your child's school experience - is more important than ever. During this pandemic, emotions run high. Most of us feel vulnerable and fragile. We are tired, on high alert, wanting to exercise what little control […]

What is the line between defending your teenager and alienating your child from school? Finding balance - always important to your child's school experience - is more important than ever.

During this pandemic, emotions run high. Most of us feel vulnerable and fragile. We are tired, on high alert, wanting to exercise what little control we have over our daily lives. We are acutely aware that our children are facing the greatest challenge of their young lives and that there is little that we can do about it. We are all just trying to endure.

Parents and teachers have the best interests of their teens at heart. (Twenty20 @Geanna)

Parents must be thoughtful in the way they communicate with teachers

That said, when we feel like something needs to be communicated, we need to make conscious choices and consider the impact of how we approach teachers and school administration. We need to keep an eye on our goal: to make things as good as possible, despite the challenges and limitations of this busy and difficult school year.

Many parents expressed their gratitude to their children's schools and teachers. One parent personally told me recently that I was a 'rock star', another commenting, 'I can't tell you how grateful we are for you and all the work you do, let alone the simple. taking the risk of showing up every day. "These little moments of appreciation are not only validating, they are motivating.

Receiving this positive feedback is empowering. He helps teachers get up in the morning and do what is arguably the hardest job of their careers.

There are also countless reasons why parents may be feeling upset right now. These feelings are of course as valid as their appreciation.

My child is a weak reader and there is no way this kind of education will fill in the gaps. My child feels socially isolated and is part of a cohort without friends. My child needs extra help, and there is little scope for that in this model.

My child is being reported for misconduct in too public a way during Zoom. My child failed a test because the material was not explained in sufficient depth. And the list continues…

Parents and teachers have the best interests of adolescents in mind

Parents and teachers both have the best interests of adolescents at heart, and they both bring distinct and unique expertise to the work of their education. Parents know their children better than anyone.

Teachers know about learning and what children need to be successful in terms of education and work habits. Before parents pick up the phone, or more likely, these days, click send on the email, it's crucial to stop and think about the approach. The tone should be deliberate and that will ultimately serve the best interests of the child.

This is especially critical when the feeling behind the impending communication is anger. Hostility often results in attacks on school staff, demands or overruns from our child's teacher. The bold and honest truth is that many parents fail to understand that while parents can, in one form or another, 'win' and feel victorious for getting what they want (and perhaps that is a big problem), a dynamic is being created. absolutely have an effect on the way school staff interact with the student over time.

There are many situations, during my 30 years of teaching, where I have felt an incredible empathy for a student, doing what I truly believe is in the best interests of the child - with the best of intentions. at heart - while doing something that a parent doesn't agree with. Historically, when parents approach me to understand or express some disappointment about what is going on in the classroom, I have had meaningful, sometimes difficult, but productive conversations that allow me to understand another perspective, to have compassion and stick around with the child.

Sometimes a parent's perspective can help a teacher see things differently.

There are times when a parent's perspective has helped me see things differently and become a stronger teacher. I walked away from many of these conversations feeling that I could communicate. I am a parent. I was unhappy with various aspects of my child's educational experiences. Parents are doing what they can to make sure their child's needs are met.

On the contrary, when a parent raises a concern with an air of aggression and hostility, it matters and has the effect of leaving teachers wary of engaging not only with the parent, but with the student. Most teachers I know who suffer from this level of parental anger respond with an attitude of going forward following the letter of the law, doing what 'needs' to be done and creating distance. between herself and the student from that point on. It is a fight or flight response.

The teachers protect themselves from the roadblock that comes directly at them, so they withdraw. Hopefully, it's obvious how counterproductive this is. We want our child's teacher to be with us. Creating fear will not bring out the best in themselves and will not help any child.

Teachers are people too, parents should remember that

In these exceptional times, remember that teachers and administrators are people. They have families, aging parents, often their own children. They too feel fragile and vulnerable, all the more because of their work.

The human being on the other end of that email or phone call gets up every day and goes to work. They put themselves at risk, work endless hours, and do all they can to make the best choices for their students. They wake up in the middle of the night worried about their children and what they cannot do to help them in this model of education.

It is not a perfect system. Of course, there will be mistakes. But parents and schools are on the same side. Take a deep breath and remember that idea before you hit send. It will be a win-win.

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I'm a teacher and I'm on an emotional roller coaster right now


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Take charge. Children crave limits, which help them understand and manage an often confusing world. Show your love by setting boundaries so your kids can explore and discover their passions safely.

CREDIT : HEATHER WESTONSet Smart LimitsTake charge. Children crave limits, which help them understand and manage an often confusing world. Show your love by setting boundaries so your kids can explore and discover their passions safely. Don’t clip your child’s wings. Your toddler’s mission in life is to gain independence. So when she’s developmentally capable of putting her toys away, clearing her plate from the table, and herself, let her. Giving a child responsibility is good for her self-esteem ( and your sanity ! ).

Don’t try to fix everything. Give young kids a chance to find their own solutions. When you lovingly acknowledge a child’s minor frustrations without immediately rushing in to save her, you teach her self-reliance and resilience.

Pick your battles. Kids can’t absorb too many rules without turning off completely. Forget arguing about little stuff like choices and occasional potty language. Focus on the things that really matter -- that means no hitting, rude talk, or lying.

Play with your children. Let them choose the activity, and don’t worry about rules. Just go with the flow and have fun. That’s the name of the game.

Read books together every day. Get started when he’s a newborn; babies love listening to the sound of their parents’ voices. Cuddling up with your child and a book is a great bonding experience that will set him up for a lifetime of reading.

Schedule daily special time. Let your child choose an activity where you hang out together for 10 or 15 minutes with no interruptions. There’s no better way for you to show your love.

Encourage daddy time. The greatest untapped resource available for improving the lives of our children is time with Dad -- early and often. Kids with engaged fathers do better in school, problem-solve more successfully, and generally cope better with whatever life throws at them.

Make warm memories. Your children will probably not remember anything that you say to them, but they will recall the family rituals -- like bedtimes and game night -- that you do together.

Be the role model your children deserve. Kids learn by watching their parents. Modeling appropriate, respectful, good behavior works much better than telling them what to do.

Fess up when you blow it. This is the best way to show your child how and when she should apologize.

Take charge. Children crave limits, which help them understand and manage an often confusing world. Show your love by setting boundaries so your kids can explore and discover their passions safely.

Live a little greener. Show your kids how easy it is to care for the environment. Waste less, recycle, reuse, and conserve each day. Spend an afternoon picking up trash around the neighborhood.

Always tell the truth. It’s how you want your child to behave, right ? Kiss and hug your spouse in front of the kids. Your marriage is the only example your child has of what an intimate relationship looks, feels, and sounds like. So it’s your travail to set a great standard.

Give appropriate praise. Instead of simply saying, ' You’re great, ' try to be specific about what your child did to deserve the positive feedback. You might say, ' Waiting until I was off the phone to ask for cookies was , and I really liked your patience. '

Cheer the good stuff. When you notice your child doing something helpful or nice, let him know how you feel. It’s a great way to reinforce good behavior so he’s more likely to keep doing it.

Gossip about your kids. Fact : What we overhear is far more potent than what we are told directly. Make praise more effective by letting your child ' catch ' you whispering a compliment about him to Grandma, Dad, or even his teddy.

Give yourself a break. Hitting the drive-through when you’re too tired to cook doesn’t make you a bad père.

Trust your mommy gut. No one knows your child better than you. Follow your instincts when it comes to his health and well-being. If you think something’s wrong, chances are you’re right. Just say ' No. ' Resist the urge to take on extra obligations at the office or become the Volunteer Queen at your child’s school. You will never, ever regret spending more time with your children.

Don’t accept disrespect from your child. Never allow her to be rude or say hurtful things to you or anyone else. If she does, tell her firmly that you will not tolerate any form of disrespect. Pass along your plan. Mobilize the other caregivers in your child’s life -- your spouse, grandparents, daycare worker, babysitter -- to help reinforce the values and the behavior you want to instill. This includes everything from saying thank you and being kind to not whining.

Ask your children three ' you ' questions every day. The art of conversation is an important social skill, but parents often neglect to teach it. Get a kid going with questions like, ' Did you have fun at school ? ' ; ' What did you do at the party you went to ? ' ; or ' Where do you want to go tomorrow afternoon ? ' Teach kids this bravery trick. Tell them to always notice the color of a person’s eyes. Making eye contact will help a hesitant child appear more confident and will help any kid to be more assertive and less likely to be picked on.

Acknowledge your kid’s strong emotions. When your child’s meltdown is over, ask him, ' How did that feel ? ' and ' What do you think would make it better ? ' Then listen to him. He’ll recover from a tantrum more easily if you let him talk it out.

Show your child how to become a responsible citizen. Find ways to help others all year. Kids gain a sense of self-worth by volunteering in the community. Don’t raise a spoiled kid. Keep this thought in mind : Every child is a treasure, but no child is the center of the universe. Teach him accordingly.

Talk about what it means to be a good person. Start early : When you read bedtime stories, for example, ask your toddler whether characters are being mean or nice and explore why. Explain to your kids why values are important. The simple answer : When you’re kind, generous, honest, and respectful, you make the people around you feel good. More important, you feel good about yourself.

Set up a ' gratitude circle ' every night at dinner. Go around the table and take turns talking about the various people who were generous and kind to each of you that day. It may sound corny, but it makes everyone feel good.

Serve a food again and again. If your child rejects a new dish, don’t give up hope. You may have to offer it another six, eight, or even 10 times before he eats it and decides he likes it. Avoid food fights. A saine child instinctively knows how much to eat. If he refuses to finish whatever food is on his plate, just let it go. He won’t starve.

Eat at least one meal as a family each day. Sitting down at the table together is a relaxed way for everyone to connect -- a time to share happy news, talk about the day, or tell a silly joke. It also helps your kids develop healthy eating habits. Let your kids place an order. Once a week, allow your children to choose what’s for dinner and cook it for them.

Say ' I love you ' whenever you feel it, even if it’s 743 times a day. You simply can not spoil a child with too many mushy words of affection and too many smooches. Not possible. Keep in mind what grandmoms always say. Children are not yours, they are only lent to you for a time. In those fleeting years, do your best to help them grow up to be good people. Savor the moments. Yes, parenthood is the most exhausting job on the planet. Yes, your house is a mess, the laundry’s piled up, and the dog needs to be walked. But your kid just laughed. Enjoy it now -- it will be over far too fast.

Teach your baby to sign. Just because a child can’t talk doesn’t mean there isn’t lots that she’d like to say. Simple signs can help you know what she needs and even how she feels well before she has the words to tell you -- a great way to reduce frustration. Keep the tube in the family room. Research has repeatedly shown that children with a TV in their bedroom weigh more, sleep less, and have lower grades and poorer social skills. P. S. Parents with a television in their bedroom have sex less often. Get kids moving. The latest research shows that brain development in young children may be linked to their activity level. Place your baby on her tummy several times during the day, let your toddler walk instead of ride in her stroller, and create opportunities for your older child to get plenty of exercise.

Get your kids vaccinated. Outbreaks of measles and other diseases still occur in our country and throughout the world. Protect that smile. Encouraging your kid to brush twice a day with a dab of fluoride toothpaste will guard against cavities. Be vigilant about safety. Babyproof your home thoroughly, and never leave a child under 5 in the tub alone. Make sure car seats are installed correctly, and insist that your child wear a helmet when riding his bike or scooter. Listen to the doc. If your pediatrician thinks your kid’s fever is caused by a malware, don’t push for antibiotics. The best medicine may be rest, lots of fluids, and a little TLC. Overprescribing antibiotics can cause medical problems for your child and increase the probabilités of creating superbugs that resist treatment.

Keep sunblock next to your kid’s toothpaste. Apply it every day as part of the morning routine. It’ll become as natural as brushing her teeth. Put your baby to bed drowsy but still awake. This helps your child learn to soothe himself to sleep and prevents bedtime problems down the line. Know when to toilet train. Look for these two signs that your child is ready to use the potty : He senses the urge to pee and poop ( this is different from knowing that he’s already gone ), and he asks for a diaper change.


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