Make Your Own Joy – The Good Men Project
Instead of buying it. You have to take responsibility for making your own joy. If you try to outsource this skill, you run the risk of getting lost in the maze of belittled choices. I bought all my joy from the outside world. Money, fame, love, relationships, status. I had them all. In fact, I […]

Instead of buying it.

You have to take responsibility for making your own joy. If you try to outsource this skill, you run the risk of getting lost in the maze of belittled choices.

I bought all my joy from the outside world. Money, fame, love, relationships, status. I had them all. In fact, I still have them. But I found that the more I had them, the more I wanted more. It was, frankly, becoming an expensive affair.

So I tried a different experiment. To try and make my own joy jam. The one who didn't need shopping. Here is my recipe… come on, grab a spoon.


  1. Break your heart.
  2. Cut the ego in thin slices.
  3. Boiling in your darkness.
  4. Add a cup new values.
  5. Stir your silence.
  6. Pour into a clean pot of gratitude.
  7. Share it Every day of your life.

The first step (Break your heart) requires a venomous attack of desperation to shock you. I don't wish you any but it is a necessary step for the mind to stop ruminating in the default mode and suffer a deep loss of something dear. You don't have to be afraid of this. But you have to have the courage to endure it.

The second step (cutting the ego into thin slices) requires a profanation of the ego. Listen Sam harris and understand this basic truth about who we are not and see that your ego is an illusion and just another thought.

The third step (Boiling in your darkness) requires a good boil in your own confusion and the darkness of discovery as you try to make sense of who you are now that you know you are not your ego.

Listen Jordan peterson talk about the need to embrace your own existential despair before rising from its ashes with a seed of your higher self. It will take you to many burrows of your old belief systems where you will come across things that you have avoided thinking about for so long. You have to go to this valley and grow there. This is another must, if you are looking for your own jar of joy.

If you are irritated by every rubbing, how will your mirror be polished? - Rumi

Then in the fourth step (Add a Chopped off new values), you need to start writing the new values ​​that you want to see in the world around you. You have to want them like you want air when you are drowning. These values ​​will slowly come out of your depths and begin to swim around you as you seek a more authentic life. Make a long list, then trim and try to use them as a mantra in your daily life. So for example if you want a life of adventure then go get them and act them out in your everyday life. No big deal is needed here. Just small acts of adventure that will reverberate and get worse.

Sell ​​your intelligence and buy confusion. Intelligence is just an opinion. Confusion brings intuitive knowledge.- Rumi.

In the fifth stage (Stir your silence), you need to make meditation a daily practice. A moment when you watch your mind from a distance. It's the secret sauce to finding your own joy factory inside. Sam Harris and his Waking up the application was a lifeline for me and taught me so much about what little I knew my mind.

The closer you are to the truth, the quieter you become inside. - Naval Ravikant

In the sixth stage (Pour into a clean pot of gratitude) you make gratitude a habit. Whenever you feel less or feel a lack in your life, instantly replace that thought with an expression of gratitude. Our lives are filled with kindness. We just have to see them like that. I just watched a woman with Covid-19 talk to the camera before she died and she said the only wish she had was to be able to breathe again ...

Gratitude is our gift to ourselves that we never take anything for granted.

In the last step (Share every day of your life), you share yourself with those you love. You forgo Get All and replace that with Give. You begin to live daily in service of your new ideal of self.

"Point away and live in the day." - Jordan Peterson.


You have now made your own jar of joy.

It is full of your fears, your sufferings and your sufferings which have been fermented by the force of your courage and your compassion. It's a version of you who now lives free on the inside and doesn't need to buy it outside. Now, nothing can stop you from spreading it and healing those who are hurt.


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About six months before I turned 50, a friend tried to convince me to enter a physique contest. He had just turned 40, and was thrilled to be in the over-40 category because there were fewer guys for him to compete against. He said to me, “Kirk, you can win the over-50 category. There are only a few guys who enter. But, you have no lats or traps—most older dudes don’t. Work on your back and you got it in the bag ! ” I wasn’t too excited to enter a competition with “no competition, ” but I was pretty peeved to hear him say I had no lats or traps. My back was better than that. Although I had no intention to enter the competition, I started doing more single-arm dumbbell rows to work my back. Now, a few years later, it’s one of my favorite dumbbell exercises. Importantly, I’m not trying to break any records when it comes to weight here, like I might have in my younger days. Quality reps at low weight is the bigger focus.

There are versions of the exercise where you see guys use a bench for support, using a hand or even placing a knee on the bench. These have their merits ( although MH fitness director Ebenezer Samuel, C. S. C. S. would rather you not put a knee up ). However, I mostly do the version with no assistance from the bench with both feet on the ground as points of contact. This version works your traps, rhomboids, rear delts and rotator cuff muscles, but you also get some core work, something you greatly need as you get older. Remember, though, that the way do the exercise is subjective to your own abilities. If you need some extra support for balance, don’t hesitate to put a hand down.

tera set up for my preferred variation, pick up a light dumbbell, especially to start. Stand with your feet in a parallel stance about shoulder-width apart. Hold the dumbbell in a neutral position at your side, as if you would for a hammer curl. Place your free hand behind you, with the back of your hand on the small of your back ( you can also extend your off arm out to balance ). Next, bend over by pushing your butt back and hinging at your waist, with your knees slightly bent. There should be no rounding of the spine, and you should keep your gaze down at the floor in a neutral neck position. Lastly, as you’re hanging onto the dumbbell with your arm pointing to the floor, squeeze your shoulder blades together so your shoulders lock in place and don’t slump.

From this starting position, use your back to sweat the dumbbell up without twisting your spine. Pull up as high as you can, pause for a moment at the top and squeeze your shoulder blades together even more. Then release by lowering the dumbbell back to the starting position. to control my pace, I usually pull up for 2 seconds, squeeze at the top for 2 seconds, then release back to the starting position in 2 seconds.

By doing the dumbbell row unilaterally ( one arm at a time ), you’ll feel yourself being pulled off balance. You must fight with your abs and obliques to maintain balance and stability, which is why I love this exercise so much. Although you won’t be able to load up with as much weight as you would using the bench for stabilization, the extra core work you’ll get makes this version well worth putting in your arsenal of exercises. Try 4 sets of 8 to 10 reps during upper body workouts to get started.

We all know that it’s common for men to skip the doctor until they become sick, injure themselves or are faced with a serious health problem. And a majority of men will postpone seeking care for a few days to see whether they feel any better. It’s the whole ' if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it ' line of thinking.

But there are steps the men in your life can take today to improve their vitality and help prevent health problems down the road. Of course, there are some things that can’t be changed, such as family history and age, but every day choices can have a big effet on their current and future health.

Eating a diet that’s low in fat ( less than 7 percent of calories should come from saturated fats ), cholesterol, and salt, and packed with fresh fruits and vegetables ( two cups of fruit per day; three cups of vegetables per day for men up to age 50 and two and a half cups for men aged 51 and over ), whole céréales and fiber can help improve your health, prevent heart disease, diabetes and certain cancers.

Try to get 30 minutes of moderate physical activity on most days of the week. Taking a walk, jogging, swimming and mowing the lawn all count. But don’t be a weekend sports warrior. Start slowly if you aren’t normally réactive and gradually build up. No time ? Research shows that even short bursts of physical activity—as few as 10 minutes of soutenu activity several times a day—can help men improve their health. Talk to your doctor about the right exercise program for you.

It’s important to maintain a healthy weight. Excess weight, especially around the waist, can be hard on your body. Carrying too much body fat forces your heart to work harder and increases your chances of heart disease and stroke, even if you have no other risk factors ! So, try to curb weight gain as you age.

Tobacco smoke contains more than 4, 000 chemicals and is a known cause of cancer. Smoking also increases the likelihood of high blood pressure, heart disease, lung problems and other health problems. And if you think chewing tobacco is safer, think again. Not only is chewing tobacco a known cause of cancer ( carcinogen ), it also contributes to gum disease and tooth loss and may be linked to fertility problems. And, few could argue that chewing and spitting is attractive to a partner. If you smoke or chew, talk to your health care professional about ways to quit. Consider nicotine replacement therapy products that include self-help programs, if appropriate.

Whether it’s pulling out the weed whacker, going for a bike ride or grilling with the neighbors, safety is key. Here are just a few examples : Take care when moving heavy objects. It’s easy to strain yourself when lifting boxes, furniture and other heavy items. Use your knees and legs and not your back for leverage. And ask for help, if you need it. Wear appropriate protective gear for your eyes and ears when using leaf blowers, lawn mowers and other machines at home or work. Excessive exposure to noise is the most common cause of hearing loss. Wear a helmet when you ride a bike or ski and throw on reflective clothing if you go for a run after dark. When grilling, never leave the grill unattended, especially when small children and pets are around, and keep a fire extinguisher handy. The grill should be at least 10 feet from your house or any building. to protect your skin, avoid prolonged exposure to the sun and apply ( and reapply ) sunscreen with an SPF of 15 or greater that provides protection against UVA and UVB rays.


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