Nowadays, open relationships between a man and a woman are becoming more common. Being together, but not being addicted to each other – that's about what open relationships mean.
Many people aren't sure whether to start this kind of a relationship because they do not have a complete idea of what it is. Women are usually more suspicious of this arrangement - and you probably should be!
So I'll explain what an open relationship is, why people choose it, and what are the advantages and disadvantages of that kind of relationship.
What does an open relationship mean?
An open relationship is a type of romantic relationship when a couple wants to be together, but at the same time, agrees to a non-monogamous relationship.
Thus, partners allow romantic, sexual, or other relationships with third parties. Each case of an open relationship may differ from another since the conditions of their relationship are determined by the partners individually (i.e., flirting, meetings, kissing, or sexual contact can be allowed).
Most often, open relationships occur when people have a romantic or sexual relationship with more than one partner. For guys, this is usually an excuse to keep a woman as a "booty call" or a "friend with benefits."
Such relationships can be both short-term (for example, dating multiple people) and long-term (an open marriage).
Due to the fact that an open relationship has a fairly flexible structure, its conditions may vary. Thus, the agreements between partners can change frequently, and the circle of lovers may decrease or increase over time.
Why people choose open relationships
People appreciate independence most of all, but serious relationships often deprive them of this kind of liberty. Everything starts with the words "have to."
To get rid of all the obligations that a person has to carry out in an ordinary relationship, some people resort to an alternate type of dating – open relationships. This creates both a psychological and financial side of the matter. In the usual way of life, a man has to provide for his wife and children and also remain faithful until the end of his days. If he still copes with the first part - providing - then with the second condition of being faithful – not always.
Also, young people who have just created a family often suffer from excessive dependence on each other. They constantly suspect, check their partner's stories, and entertain all kinds of wishful thinking. They "oppress" their partner with their love, insecurities, making excuses. "That's how much I love you!"
But in return, they may only feel irritation. This is how misunderstanding, frustration, and resentment begins to take hold in the relationship.
Having tasted the “pleasures” of family life, a man or a woman starts looking for another way to not be lonely.
Many people wonder if it's worth trying an open relationship. This question comes to mind for a good reason.
The possible triggers for this curiosity are:
- Bad experience, for example, a break-up with a former partner. Then a person needs to get rid of bad feelings, get rid of heartache, and calm themselves down. It takes time. So he might not want either to start a serious relationship or be alone...
- The desire to fix a failing relationship. It is when a man and woman decide to free themselves from a stifling sense of obligation but do not refuse each other. They consider open relationships to be a great way to preserve romantic feelings...
- A fear or unpreparedness for a serious relationship. It applies to young guys and girls who have little experience or desire for starting serious relationships. In this case, the period of open relationships does not last long – the young couple wants to enjoy real family life sooner or later. And when they come to a reasonable understanding that it's time to change something, they are able to determine what exactly family life means for them.
Open relationship rules
Open relationships happen when both people agree to it.
They imply the existence of common interests, communication without reproach, the absence of jealous behaviors, and a letting go of claims, and demands.
Of course, the main condition for open relationships is multiple sexual partners.
A man and a woman take this step because they don't want to suffer, get stressed out due to cheating, and depend on each other too much. The pleasure of being with each other, ease, and freedom from expectations – this is what open relationships mean to many.
This is how it should be ideally. But what happens in practice is something quite different.
Sometimes people are intent on open relationships, but then it turns out that they still have some expectations from each other.
For example, a girl wants a guy to be close at a difficult moment, and the guy wonders, "But we're not a family! I didn't sign up for this!" Thus, there are misunderstandings that already resemble married life.
Having an extra person in the mix can complicate things immensely.
In order to navigate some of these situations, you should learn the 3 main rules of open relationships that will help you to make your love affair as strong and happy as possible:
- Respect for each other. It implies not only respect for the choice of life values and views of a loved one. The rule is that each of the partners should not have a bit on the side at the first opportunity. No, of course, it is permissible by mutual consent. Only by MUTUAL! All acceptable and undesirable nuances of your relationship should be discussed in advance. Also, you should consider whether each of you is ready for such a wild ride.
- You can enjoy the freedom and have affairs, but in certain life circumstances, your primary partner must come first. For example, if someone from a couple urgently needs help related to health or moral support, then another should to set all the lovers aside and come to the rescue.
- Emotional readiness. This is probably the most unpleasant rule, but you cannot do without it. Are you ready for the fact that sometimes your loved one will have sexual contact with someone else? And how will you feel yourself after they've been intimate with another person? Will you act out? Hold a grudge?
Advantages and disadvantages of an open relationship...
Before talking about whether to start an open relationship, let's find out what advantages and disadvantages this type of dating is fraught with.
Advantages Of An Open Relationship:
There are no obligations to each other
Many people consider the main advantage of open relationships is that it is not necessary to account to a partner where you are and what you're doing. The couple feels comfortable and not burdened with guilt. You can also choose to end this relationship at any time you want without feeling slighted or abandoned.
Maybe that's why this kind of a “love mode” is distinguished by perseverance and endurance.
Revives romantic relationships
This type of dating can revive a romantic relationship, make it more passionate, and even save it from total destruction. At a certain point, some couples come to the conclusion that physical betrayal is much more harmless than the collapse of a long and serious relationship. And that their relationship is built not only on sex but also on spiritual attraction.
Open relationships give newness, adrenaline burst, and a sense of adventurism. A marriage based on these principles will usually not break up due to boredom, routine, and monotony.
"Normal" Relationships Break Too
Sex is always a temptation - and especially within the confines of a traditional relationship - one where all sexual contact with the opposite sex is forbidden.
Consider that most European countries consider the United States to be very immature when it comes to the expectations of relationships. Infidelity and open relationships are much more accepted there than here.
We Americans expect too much, and never get what we expect because it's usually impossible for a single relationship to provide everything. It's a myth that leaves us hurt, frustrated, and angry.
When you remove the "adrenaline rush" that cheating on a partner provides, that addictive cheating behavior is much easier to control. When you sneak around with someone, the thrill and the hormones make it a really addictive habit.
By setting up compassionate rules and acceptance around our natural needs, you bring things back to earth. And you strengthen your main relationship as well.
Release dependence on each other
Your dependence on a loved one interferes not only with him but also with you. Painful experiences, overthinking, and feeling jealous about "rivals" can make your life unbearable. In advanced cases, it can even resemble a kind of slavery.
An open relationship frees you from dependence on a partner, and thus makes your life easier. Moreover, there are a lot of online services that will help you to find a partner for an outside sexual relationship.
One of these dating sites is Godatenow.com since you can easily find a partner not only for physical intimacy but also for serious relationships.
There is a wonderful expression that forbidden fruit is always sweetest. When people lower their inhibitions, they change themselves. It becomes undesirable to do something to annoy a partner or try to just live hedonistically at every given opportunity.
An open relationship is like breaking from cultural restraints, not just externally but also internally. Perhaps, after the liberation from their restrained feelings, a couple will lose the desire to have affairs.
Okay, now we have to talk about -
Disadvantages Of An Open Relationship:
This is a major disadvantage for people with an exaggerated sense of ownership. That is, ownership of their partner.
Can you own them?
Can they own you?
Well, in any case, if you feel that you can't handle the "openness" and sharing your partner, there is a signal here for you to look at.
You should not start an open relationship if you aren't ready to share your loved one with someone else. For those who are mentally prepared for this, infidelity will be a secondary phenomenon, with a bit of the next problem mixed in...
Yes, jealousy is just about the biggest problem you're going to have in an open relationship. Every other attractive woman on the planet will seem like a threat to you. Which is why you MUST have a rock-solid relationship on your own before you can even consider an open relationship.
And if you're paranoid about your partners connections to other people, sensing a possible threat to your relationship whenever you don't have him in sight - don't bother. An open relationship would basically be a self-destruct button for your relationship.
Being able to handle an open relationship is incredibly challenging for 90% of the people out there - and it's even harder for women who have any insecurity issues with their relationships.
Open relationships usually do not cause negative feedback from young people. But for moms, dads, and grandmothers, it's going to stir up some huge drama.
Some of your inner circle friends may call you a frivolous person. But such a view is understandable as this is the usual reaction of people who have lived life within the framework of moral rules. Open relationships are definitely not for the faint of heart.
And they absolutely are not for people who adhere to traditional relationship rules, religious dogma, or strict social laws of what is "proper" or not.
Marriage and children are out of the question
Open relationships do not lead toward the birth of children, marriage, and serious relationships, typically. An open relationship is a good option for people who have already tried family life and have children, but may be past all that. Or they're divorced and unwilling to focus on a primary relationship.
Hiding behind the freedom
Many people hide behind the freedom of open relationships in order to avoid responsibility. This is way more common than most people talk about. Therefore, it's very important to learn about the true motivations of a person before starting an open relationship with him.
You need to know what their motivation is first.
Sooner or later, one of the partners may want something more from the relationship, while the other person simply cannot give it - or they're not ready for a serious relationship. Consequently, relationships break-up - just as much as traditional ones.
You also want to be sure you practice safe sex and birth control to maximize safety for both of you - and keep the complication factor to a minimum.
The risk of losing a loved one
If adultery occurs in a marriage, the husband or wife tries to not abandon the family, realizing that infidelity may be just a temporary weakness. However, in an open relationship – a guy or girl can fall in love with another person if your boundaries and rules are not set up front.
You have to have a very clear "charter" for your open relationship to ensure that the focus is always on the primary relationship, and not the side relationships.
Is it worth trying an open relationship?
The advantages and disadvantages of an open relationship are relative concepts. It entirely depends on how a person perceives them.
Some people can find shortcomings in the advantages I mentioned. While others may find something positive in the imperfection of open relationships.
The very first thing to do is to clarify what open relationships mean to you personally. If your mind and heart are ready for something like this, that's okay. However, you should remember that an open relationship may seem ideal in the first stages, but later on there is no guarantee against quarreling and misunderstandings.
Nobody knows how you will perceive the first betrayal of a person you love.
Also, you should beware of self-deception.
It may turn out that you have kept the truth from yourself that this type of relationship is not really going to meet your needs. So you may end up with nothing in the end.
Many women and men look for answers by checking different forums and talking to people who have experienced an open relationship.
Remember: All the experiences and joys of open relationships that you may read on the Internet are SOMEONE ELSE'S experiences and joys.
You will have your own experience depending on where you are when you make this decision - and where he is as well. I can't emphasize the importance of maturity from both of you to make this work.
There are cases when people realize that open relationships benefit only one of the partners. A woman often reaches a conclusion that she was created to take care of the family and give birth to a child. But despite the conversion, she continues to play the old game. It is not worth it. Share your thoughts and mind changes with your loved one.
Everyone should decide individually whether to start an open relationship or create a family.
One thing is for certain: Don't harm yourself or reverse your principles and views for the sake of another person. You have to stay close to your truth and what you know in your heart.
Open relationships can be good for those who are not ready for a serious relationship or even marriage.
However, even legal marriage doesn't give the right to complete control over your loved one. There must always be certain freedoms and the right to a private life - whether that's a bachelor party, vacation, or just gatherings with friends.
If you'd like to learn more about how to make him want you - AND ONLY YOU - forever... go watch this short presentation...
One of the open relationship dating sites we found was Godatenow.com. They help men find a partner not only for physical intimacy but also for serious relationships.
click here to discover more
Are you solo and looking for love ? Are you finding it to meet the right person ? When you’re having trouble finding a love connection, it’s all too easy to become discouraged or buy into the destructive myths out there about dating and relationships.
Life as a solo person offers many rewards, such as being free to pursue your own hobbies and interests, learning how to enjoy your own company, and appreciating the quiet instants of retraite. However, if you’re ready to share your life with someone and want to build a lasting, worthwhile relationship, life as a single person can also seem frustrating.
For many of us, our emotional baggage can make finding the right romantic partner a difficult journey. Perhaps you grew up in a household where there was no role model of a solid, saine relationship and you doubt that such a thing even exists. Or maybe your dating history consists only of brief flings and you don’t know how to make a relationship last. You could be attracted to the wrong type of person or keep making the same bad choices over and over, due to an unresolved issue from your past. Or maybe you’re not putting yourself in the best environments to meet the right person, or that when you do, you don’t feel confident enough.
Whatever the case may be, you can overcome your obstacles. Even if you’ve been burned repeatedly or have a poor track record when it comes to dating, these tips can help put you on the path to finding a healthy, loving relationship that lasts.
The first step to finding love is to reassess some of the misconceptions about dating and relationships that may be preventing you from finding lasting love.
While there are health benefits that come with being in a solid relationship, many people can be just as happy and fulfilled without being part of a couple. Despite the stigma in some social circles that accompanies being single, it’s important not to enter a relationship just to “fit in. ” Being alone and being lonely are not the same thing. And nothing is as unhealthy and dispiriting as being in a bad relationship.
This is an important myth to dispel, especially if you have a history of making inappropriate choices. Instant sexual attraction and lasting love do not necessarily go hand-in-hand. Emotions can change and deepen over time, and friends sometimes become lovers—if you give those relationships a chance to develop.
Women and men feel similar things but sometimes rapide their feelings differently, often according to society’s conventions. But both men and women experience the same core emotions such as sadness, anger, fear, and joy.
Love is rarely static, but that doesn’t mean love or physical attraction is doomed to fade over time. As we age, both men and women have fewer sexual hormones, but emotion often influences volonté more than hormones, and sexual passion can become stronger over time
When we start looking for a long-term partner or enter into a romantic relationship, many of us do so with a predetermined set of ( often unrealistic ) expectations—such as how the person should look and behave, how the relationship should progress, and the roles each partner should fulfill. These expectations may be based on your family history, influence of your peer group, your past experiences, or even ideals portrayed in movies and TV shows. Retaining many of these unrealistic expectations can make any potential partner seem inadequate and any new relationship feel disappointing.
Needs are different than wants in that needs are those qualities that matter to you most, such as values, ambitions, or goals in life. These are probably not the things you can find out about a person by eyeing them on the street, reading their profile on a dating site, or sharing a quick cocktail at a bar before last call.
Don’t make your search for a relationship the center of your life. Concentrate on activities you enjoy, your career, health, and relationships with family and friends. When you focus on keeping yourself happy, it will keep your life balanced and make you a more interesting person when you do meet someone special.
Remember that first imprimés aren’t always reliable, especially when it comes to Internet dating. It always takes time to really get to know a person and you have to experience being with someone in a variety of situations. For example, how well does this person hold up under pressure when things don’t go well or when they’re tired, frustrated, or hungry ?
Be honest about your own flaws and shortcomings. Everyone has flaws, and for a relationship to last, you want someone to love you for the person you are, not the person you’d like to be, or the person they think you should be. Besides, what you consider a flaw may actually be something another person finds quirky and appealing. By shedding all pretense, you’ll encourage the other person to do the same, which can lead to an honest, more fulfilling relationship.
Build a genuine connectionThe dating game can be nerve wracking. It’s only natural to worry about how you’ll come across and whether or not your date will like you. But no matter how shy or socially awkward you feel, you can overcome your nerves and self-consciousness and forge a great connection.
Focus outward, not inward. to engagement first-date nerves, focus your attention on what your date is saying and doing and what’s going on around you, rather than on your internal thoughts. Staying fully present in the moment will help take your mind off worries and insecurities.
Be curious. When you’re truly curious about someone else’s thoughts, feelings, experiences, stories, and opinions, it shows—and they’ll like you for it. You’ll come across as far more attractive and interesting than if you spend your time trying to promote yourself to your date. And if you aren’t genuinely interested in your date, there’s little point in pursuing the relationship further.
Be genuine. Showing interest in others can’t be faked. If you’re just pretending to listen or care, your date will pick up on it. No one likes to be manipulated or placated. Rather than helping you connect and make a good impression, your efforts will most likely backfire. If you aren’t genuinely interested in your date, there is little point in pursuing the relationship further.
Pay attention. Make an effort to truly listen to the other person. By paying close attention to what they say, do, and how they interact, you’ll quickly get to know them. Little things go a long way, such as remembering someone’s preferences, the stories they’ve told you, and what’s going on in their life.
Put your smartphone away. You can’t truly pay attention or forge a genuine connection when you’re multitasking. Nonverbal communication—subtle gestures, termes, and other visual cues—tell us a lot about another person, but they’re easy to miss unless you’re tuned in.
Online dating, singles events, and matchmaking services like speed dating are enjoyable for some people, but for others they can feel more like high-pressure travail interviews. And whatever dating experts might tell you, there is a big difference between finding the right career and finding lasting love.